The Wrong Ritchi
by DisneyFanatic2364
Summary: Megamind is always kidnapping Roxanne, but what happens when he kidnaps her sister by mistake? Answer: a whole chain of unexpected events. AU
1. Mistaken Identity

**Just something I thought up. I mentioned Roxanne's sister in Until Death Do Us Part (which I'm workin on, by the way) and I thought: what if Megamind accidentally kidnapped her instead of Roxanne? So here is a short one-shot just for fun. I will work on my other story, of course, but I'm having writer's block. So enjoy this one for now!**

**Disclaimer: Do not own Megamind**

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><p>The tied up woman over Minion's shoulder let out a groan.<p>

"She's awake!" Megamind exclaimed. "Quick, to work!"

He hastened to his big, black leather chair and smoothed out his eyebrows. He heard Minion take the sack off the captive. The fish then realized something wasn't right.

"Uh, sir?" he uttered.

"Not now, Minion!" Megamind whispered as he waited for the captive to gain consciousness.

"What the heck?" he heard Roxanne Ritchi moan.

"Miss Ritchi," he said, turning his chair to face her, "we meet…"

Then he stopped, widening his eyes in surprise. The woman sitting in the chair, sharing an equal look of surprise, was not Roxanne. She resembled the reporter greatly, with the round face, blue eyes and brown hair. But the hair reached down to her shoulders and she was way too skinny. The unknown captive's shock vanished and was replaced with excitement.

"Awesome!" she shrieked. "I've been kidnapped by the city's resident super villain and his pet fish!"

Most definitely not Roxanne at all. Megamind looked to Minion for an explanation, but his friend was just as confused. Not only did he kidnap the wrong woman, but the victim was excited to see them.

"So what happened?" the woman asked. "Were you tired of kidnapping just Roxanne?"

Megamind stood up. "Hold that thought."

He dragged Minion aside and whispered, "Minion, who is this?"

"I…don't know, sir," Minion stammered.

"You dimwitted creation of science! You've kidnapped the wrong person! Honestly, if I didn't know any better, I'd think this was your first day on the job!"

"I showed up at her apartment like you told me sir, but no one was there. So I waited for a bit and someone came through the front door. I guess I didn't pay attention, but she certainly _looks_ a lot like Miss Ritchi."

"You know as well as I do that Miss Ritchi _never_ wears her hair that long!"

"So do you want me to spray her and take her back?"

"No, we've wasted enough time already! Metro Man would come anyway. We'll just have to deal with…whoever this is."

Meanwhile, their captive was glancing around the Evil Lair, gasping at the sight.

"This place is huge," she marveled. "Though I thought it would be….I don't know, scarier."

Megamind let out a groan before returning into character. He turned toward the woman.

"Welcome to my Evil Lair, Miss…"

"You had it right the first time. I am Miss Ritchi, but not Roxanne. I'm Rachel, her sister."

The villain blinked. "Roxanne has a sister?"

She let out a laugh. "Oh, I get it! You thought I was Roxanne, huh? People used to get us mixed up all the time. Maybe I should dye my hair blonde."

Megamind put his evil face back on. "Indeed, Miss Ritchi, it is unfortunate how much you resemble your sister. Because of that, you are now at the mercy of Megamind, Incredibly Handsome Criminal Genius and Master of All Villainy!"

Rachel Ritchi laughed again. Minion couldn't help but find it adorable. Megamind, however, deflated in shock. She was laughing? It was bad enough that Roxanne had never screamed, but her sister was laughing? Did he really look that silly?

His captive took a breath. "I'm sorry. I just can't take you seriously when trying to be all dramatic. Hey, what do those weird buttons and levers do?"

Megamind smiled greatly. "Oh, you will find out soon enough, Miss Ritchi."

He pulled a switch, opening the floor to reveal a tank of alligators. Rachel jumped in her seat, but then smiled again.

"Cool! I've never seen gators this close before!"

The alien was shocked again. In desperation, he pulled another lever.

"What's this? Boom! In your face!"

A gun emerged from the floor and pointed at the victim's head.

"Please," Rachel said rolling her eyes. "I know it's not really loaded. Impressive craftsmanship, though!"

The villain tried more switches.

"Does this one scare you?"

Drills appeared overhead.

"Neat!"

"Scream in terror!"

A buzz saw came next.

"Awesome!"

"Oh, it's so scary!"

Rachel raised an eyebrow at the spinning boots behind her.

"Weird, but interesting."

"What's this one do?"

"Wow, a flamethrower!"

Megamind then gave up and put everything back in place.

"Gosh, this beats Lansing," Rachel said. "Now I know why Roxanne enjoys this so much."

That caught the villain's attention. He stared at his captive in disbelief.

"What was that?" he asked.

"I said this beats Lansing," she shrugged.

"No, before that."

"Oh, right. I can see why Roxanne enjoys these kidnappings so much."

His mouth spread into a grin. "Roxanne _likes_ being kidnapped?"

"Oops," Rachel muttered. "I probably shouldn't have said that. I can be such a blabbermouth sometimes." She finally noticed Minion standing a few feet away. "You know, for a fish, you're kind of cute."

Minion blushed. "Why…thank you."

"Why do you have a gorilla suit, anyway?"

Megamind answered, "Because gorillas are strong, fierce and terrifying!"

Rachel rolled her eyes again. "Yeah, and so is a bunny rabbit. Actually, it makes him look even cuter."

The fish let out a slight chuckle before turning to exit the room.

"And just where do you think you're going?" Megamind demanded.

"I'll be right back, sir!" Minion called before disappearing.

"How long is this going to take, anyway?" Rachel asked. "As fun as this is, Roxanne and I kind of have plans."

The alien sighed in annoyance. "I'm beginning to lose patience with you, Miss Ritchi. You're not supposed to enjoy any of this! Though you are right about one thing. Let's stop wasting time and call the hero in tights, shall we?"

The captive grumbled. "Oh no, not Metro Man. He's the worst part of every kidnapping! Roxanne says so herself."

Megamind stumbled while reaching for his microphone. Rachel stifled a giggle.

"She said what?" the alien demanded.

"She's always complaining about how Metro Man comes in, saves the day and always brags about himself on the way home. He can be such a show-off sometimes. I probably shouldn't have said that either."

Megamind was trying to process this information. Roxanne had told her sister that she found Metro Man annoying and the kidnappings entertaining? What did that mean exactly?

His train of thought was interrupted as Minion returned with a plate of cookies.

"I baked these earlier today," he explained to Rachel. "I thought you might want a snack while waiting for Metro Man."

"Fish can cook?" Rachel questioned, inhaling the scent of the baked goods. "Are those chocolate chip?"

"Minion!" Megamind bellowed. "What did I say about feeding the kidnapping victim?"

"To not to," Minion muttered, backing away from Rachel.

Suddenly, there was a loud crash in the ceiling and Minion dropped his cookies. Hovering above them was Metro Man.

"I didn't even call yet," Megamind observed.

"I picked your little conversation up with my super hearing," Metro Man boasted. "So I'm here to save Rox…" The hero's eyebrows shot up in confusion. "Who the heck is this?"

Rachel groaned. "Does she _ever_ talk about me?"

He turned back to where the villain had been standing but found that he had run out the back door while the hero was distracted.

"That fiend!" Metro Man exclaimed. "I can still catch him!"

"Excuse me?" Rachel complained. "What about me?"

"Oh, yes, Miss…"

"Ritchi. Rachel Ritchi. Roxanne's sister?"

Metro Man blinked a few times. "Roxanne has a sister?"

Rachel hung her head back. "Just take me back to her apartment, would you?"

* * *

><p>As they sped away in the invisible car, Megamind smacked himself in the forehead.<p>

"And I thought Roxanne was difficult. Her sister is the worst captive ever! Not only did she not scream, but she laughed at everything I threw at her! And there was no witty banter whatsoever!"

"I don't know, sir," Minion said. "I thought she was kind of nice…and pretty."

Megamind glared at his friend. "Don't be ridiculous, Minion. She's not even your species."

"What? No! I was just stating my opinion."

"Next time, Minion, examine the person more carefully before kidnapping them. In a few days time, once we find a new Evil Lair, we'll be back to kidnapping Roxanne."

"But Rachel said she enjoys all the kidnappings. What's the point then, sir?"

Megamind hesitated before answering. "She's dating Metro Man, after all. Besides, it's a lot more fun with Roxanne as the captive."

_You just want to stare at her all day,_ Minion thought.

"Maybe we could kidnap her sister again some other time. I mean Metro Man wouldn't expect us to."

_You just want to stare at her all day,_ Megamind thought.

"No, Minion. Then it would be completely pointless if she's impressed with everything."

* * *

><p>Roxanne was about to call the police when her sister knocked on her balcony door. She didn't hesitate to let her in.<p>

"Where have you been?" she demanded. "I came to meet you for lunch and you weren't here!"

"I ran into Blue Boy and the fish robot," Rachel explained. "They thought I was you and dragged me over to their Lair. You were right about Metro Man. He really can be a show-off."

The reporter blinked. "They thought you were me?" She then recalled how dense Megamind could be sometimes. "Sorry about that."

"Are you kidding? That was the most excitement I've had in ages! Nothing ever happens to me! After all, why should you have all the fun? By the way, about Blue Boy, good choice."

Roxanne's mouth dropped open. "What?"

"Oh please. I can tell by the way you talk about him and it's perfectly clear that he likes you."

"Rachel, don't be ridiculous! He's a super villain and…I'm dating Metro Man."

"Don't play that card with me. I know that's all pretend. You told me so, remember? Besides, Blue Boy is hot!"

Roxanne collapsed on the couch. She loved her sister, but she could sometimes be annoying. Rachel flopped down beside her.

"Hey," she said, "next time you get kidnapped, could you do me a favor?"

"What?" Roxanne groaned.

"Get me that chocolate chip cookie recipe from the fish. If possible, give him my number. I think he kind of likes me."


	2. Start of Something Fishy

**Normally, I'm against writing AU, because I loved how things turned out in the movie and I want to keep it that way. I like reading AU though, but I guess they've pulled me in! And some people were suggesting I continue this. This might turn out AU, but I don't know. Let me know what you think.**

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><p>To be certain he didn't get it mixed up again, Minion removed the bag from the victim's head before she woke. Thankfully, it was the right Ritchi this time. But Minion couldn't help but feel a slight wave of unexplained disappointment. Megamind, on the other hand, was delighted.<p>

"Perfect," he said. "Now we can go back to routine, without that annoying sister of hers interfering."

As Roxanne started to wake, Megamind rushed to his chair. The first thing the reporter noticed when she gained consciousness was that there was no bag. _They must've wanted to make sure I wasn't Rachel_, she thought.

"Miss Ritchi," she heard the villain say as he turned his chair to face her. "We meet again."

"So you got it right this time, huh?" Roxanne smirked.

The blue alien laid his head against the back of his seat and groaned. "Can we not talk about that?"

"But Rachel wanted me to tell you she had a great time, surprisingly." She turned to the fish. "She also wanted that cookie recipe from you, Minion."

"Really?" Minion said. "How is your sister, anyway?"

"She went back to Lansing. Thanks for giving her a good time, though."

"_Good_ time?" Megamind repeated. "Super villains don't give anyone a _good_ time! They give them a _bad_ time!"

Roxanne rolled her eyes. "Fine, thanks for giving my sister a _bad_ time. You happy now?"

"Just forget that kidnapping ever happened! Ugh, now you made me forget what my evil plan was!"

"What was your evil plan last time?" the reporter inquired. "Rachel didn't say."

"I was planning to…" Then he stopped and whispered to his sidekick, "Minion, what was I planning?"

"I think you were…" Minion started. "That is, you were going to…well, kidnap Miss Ritchi, call Metro Man, and then…something with… What _was_ your plan, sir?"

The aliens then realized they had been so distracted with the case of mistaken identity that they had completely forgotten why there was a kidnapping in the first place. Roxanne almost laughed at the situation. Then she glanced around and noticed they had moved their Evil Lair.

"The abandoned marshmallow factory?" Roxanne observed. "Why are there so many abandoned buildings in Metro City?"

Megamind tensed. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Sir, I just remembered!" Minion exclaimed. "Your plan, it had something to do with chickens!"

Roxanne thought he was joking, until Megamind perked up.

"Yes, the Robot Chickens!" he recalled. "Thank you, Minion!"

The reporter arched an eyebrow. "Robot Chickens? Either there's some cleverness in this plan or you've just had a bad day for ideas."

Megamind scowled at her. "You really can be a pain, sometimes, Miss Ritchi."

"Oh, do you prefer my sister instead?" she asked innocently, batting her eyes.

"No, no! I didn't mean that at all!" Megamind then realized how desperate that sounded. "I mean, of course you're not the best captive either, but your sister just marvels at everything and that simply ruins the whole point of the kidnapping."

"If I'm such a bad captive, why do you still kidnap me?"

The villain paused and then returned into character. "Let's stop wasting time and call your boyfriend in tights, shall we? By the way, have I mentioned that I can now access all of Metrocity's _tellie-vasion_ channels now?"

"_Television_, sir," Minion reminded him.

"Didn't I say that? Anyway, I'll be broadcasting my message to Metro _Mahn_ right after I use the little villains' room."

Once Megamind was gone, Roxanne found it safe to talk to Minion.

"You know, Minion, Rachel also wanted me to give you her phone number."

Minion widened his eyes.

"Um, that wouldn't be a very good idea," he laughed nervously, "considering I don't have a phone."

"Well, she also has email. You can talk to her online."

"Really, Miss Ritchi, I appreciate it, but I'm just too busy."

"Doing what? Working on Megamind's ingenious plans that always fail? Come on, Minion. My sister has begged me and I hate letting her down. Besides, I think she kind of likes you."

Minion blushed like crazy. "I could get in trouble if sir found out I was emailing your sister."

"Who says he has to know?"

When Megamind returned a few minutes later, he saw Minion writing something down on a clipboard.

"Are the Robot Chickens ready, Minion?"

The fish quickly hid the clipboard behind his back. "Yeah, I oiled them this morning. They should be ready."

"Then get the camera and let's get started!"

He noticed his friend had a nervous smile on his face while Roxanne wore a huge grin.

"What are you grinning at, Miss Ritchi?" he asked.

"Oh, nothing," she replied, stifling a giggle.

_Maybe she really does enjoy this_, Megamind thought. _Like I do._

* * *

><p>Rachel Ritchi flopped down on her bed and grumbled, not bothering to remove her waitress uniform. Friday night was always the busiest at the restaurant. Why had she even returned to Lansing, anyway? There was nothing here except a tiny apartment and waiting tables from dawn until dusk. Her sister had it all: fame, excitement, larger living space and a super villain pining over her.<p>

Despite all that, she could never hate Roxanne. She was too nice and nurturing. She had even offered to let her move in with her, but she didn't want her sister to think she needed such pity.

Mechanically, she grabbed her laptop from the bedside table and opened it up. She squinted at the light of the screen and read that she had an email from someone named Fillet Minion. She clicked on the link and a window popped up: _Um, hi. Your sister gave me your email and I just wanted to apologize for that mix-up the other day. You and your sister look so much alike!_

There was no name at the end, but Rachel could guess who it was, and that caused her to grin. She remembered the fish inside the robot gorilla suit. He didn't seem like much of an evil minion to her. After all, what kind of evil minion serves the captive a plate of cookies? She knew this was probably ridiculous, and most likely dangerous, to be chatting with a super villain's sidekick, but she began typing her reply.

Why not? It had been a rough night and it felt nice to have someone to talk to. Even if it was a talking fish, anyone would have sufficed.

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><p>Minion sat at his computer. He was surprised when he got a reply back from Fashion Girl.<p>

_Hey, Minion. No worries about the other day. It was so fun! Better than spending the day waiting tables, anyhow. You are right about me and Roxanne looking alike. Maybe I should dye my hair so it's less confusing. What do you think? Blonde, raven or redhead? –Rachel_

Something inside his head pounded. He was worried emailing Roxanne Ritchi's sister would freak her out, but she was writing like this was an everyday occurrence. He really shouldn't be doing this. His master would flip if he knew what was going on. But somehow, Minion had to talk to Rachel. He couldn't explain it, but he just had to.

_Fillet Minion is writing…_ Rachel smiled bigger as the two got into a long online conversation.

_Fillet Minion: I wouldn't dye your hair any color. I think it's fine the way it is._

Rachel giggled.

_Fashion Girl: You're right. Maybe I should just grow it out. I don't know why Roxanne likes that pixie cut of hers. It's cute and all, but it somehow doesn't fit her persona._

_Fillet Minion: What do you mean by that?_

_Fashion Girl: She's just so nice. And she has really great hair that she should grow out. I should know. I have the same hair._

_Fillet Minion: That may be, but yours is nice on its own._

Rachel couldn't stop the blush that came to her cheeks. Who knew fish could give such splendid compliments? He typed again immediately.

_Fillet Minion: I mean in human standards. I don't have hair, of course, and neither does sir._

_Fashion Girl: Yeah, where is he, anyway? Does he know you're chatting with me?_

_Fillet Minion: He's in jail after the incident with the Robot Chickens. And no, he doesn't know._

_Fashion Girl:__Wait, did you say Robot Chickens? How did he come up with that one?_

_Fillet Minion: Don't ask. Let's just say his brains were a little scrambled that day and the whole plan ended up sunny-side-DOWN._

She then burst out laughing.

_Fashion Girl: LOL & ROTF!_

There was a pause.

_Fillet Minion:__Come again?_

_Fashion Girl: Oh, sorry. I wasn't aware you didn't know text lingo. I was laughing at your joke. I had no idea a fish could be funny, sweet and a baker._

Another pause. Rachel could imagine Minion's face turning a shade of red.

_Fashion Girl: Speaking of which, I never did get to try those cookies of yours. Mind giving me the recipe?_

If only she had seen his wide grin as he read her message.

_Fillet Minion: Well, first you'll need…_

* * *

><p><strong>Yeah, don't know how to bake cookies.<strong>


	3. Secret Chats

**Yep, this will be an AU. I'm positive. For those of you who have read Until Death Do Us Part, you should notice that I kept some of Rachel's character traits. Oh, and FYI, Minion and Rachel are going to be texting a LOT.**

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><p>Megamind cackled as he jumped into the invisible car and switched off his warden disguise.<p>

"Nice work, sending me the watch, Minion!" he complimented his friend.

"You got it, boss!" Minion exclaimed.

The villain glanced in the backseat where Roxanne Ritchi was laying unconscious. _Gosh, she looks beautiful when she's like that._ He tried to shake the thoughts out of his giant blue head.

"Is everything ready for Evil Plan #327?" he asked Minion. "You tested the Mega Disintegration Ray?"

"Works perfectly, sir."

"Got the Lair fixed?"

"Not a hole visible, sir."

"And did you get the _maya-naise_?"

"It's _mayonnaise,_ sir, and yes. What's the mayonnaise for, anyway?"

"For my evil sandwiches, of course!"

* * *

><p>Once Megamind was out of his orange prison jumpsuit and in his villainous outfit, Roxanne started stirring.<p>

"Places, Minion!" Megamind exclaimed.

He rushed to his chair and then quickly glanced back at the struggling victim. He couldn't hide the excitement on his face. _Maybe this will be the day I get her to scream._ He smoothed out his eyebrows like he always did and then put on his evil grin as he heard Minion lift the bag off her head.

"Miss Ritchi," he said, doing the usual turn. "Welcome back. Did you miss me?"

Roxanne rolled her eyes. "How can I miss you if you're kidnapping me on a weekly basis? And would it kill you to wash the bag?"

The alien chuckled. "Oh, the bag is the least of your problems, Miss Ritchi. Feast your eyes on this!"

He pulled a lever, causing two metal cylinders to rise on either side of the captive. She raised an eyebrow.

"What are these supposed to do? Bore me to death?"

Megamind grinned mischievously. Suddenly, long spikes popped out of the cylinders, making Roxanne jump in her chair. She became even more surprised, and she had to admit a little queasy, as they started to spin, the spikes inches away from her body.

"Okay, this is new," she confessed, slight tension in her voice.

"Ha!" Megamind shouted. "Still think I'm predictable, Miss Ritchi?"

"Alright, I'll give you points."

The alien's face fell as Roxanne said her last sentence fairly quickly. Did she actually sound…scared? No, that was impossible. Even if she was, hadn't that been his intention? If that was the case, why did he feel so awful?

"Just sit still and the spikes won't hurt you," Megamind assured her in a strained voice. "Minion, get the camera."

When no answer came, he glanced over at his sidekick, who was typing something on his laptop.

"Minion!"

The fish looked up and then quickly shut his computer. "Right away, sir!"

"What on Earth were you doing?"

"I was…just looking up some new recipes, sir."

That was half the truth, anyway.

"Well, do it in your own spare time! We've got a hero to destroy and a city to take over!"

* * *

><p>Rachel frowned when Minion had logged off unexpectedly. He had said there was an evil plan going on, so she figured he must have been busy. Then she turned on the television on which she had Metro City cable, thanks to an arrangement from her sister. It was on some news channel before the screen shifted to the image of Megamind.<p>

"People of Metrocity!" he exclaimed overdramatically. "This is a day your glorious hero shall finally fall! Metro Man, come and face your doom! That is, unless you want your girlfriend to be shredded to pieces."

The camera turned to Roxanne, who was sitting in her chair, spiked pillars spinning in her direction. Rachel gulped. She knew Megamind would never hurt her sister, but the spikes were getting too close to her. And was it just her, or did fearless Roxanne look a little frightened?

"If you want to save Roxanne Ritchi's life, either surrender Metrocity to me now or embrace your death! You make the decision!"

The screen went static and Rachel switched it off. She hated how only a minute of the kidnapping was shown, whether on the news or on one of the villain's broadcasts. It was always so suspenseful to see whether Megamind's plan was going to fail or not. It always did, but she never got to see how! Of course, her kidnapping didn't involve any plan at all, which made it less exciting than it should have been. It was simply unfair, especially since Minion wasn't in any of those shots.

A few minutes later, said fish went online and typed up a message.

_Fillet Minion: Sorry about that. Sir had another plan to fail. His Mega Disintegration Ray disintegrated._

She laughed before replying.

_Fashion Girl: I saw his broadcast on TV._

_Fillet Minion: I didn't know you could get Metro City TV in Lansing._

_Fashion Girl: Well, not usually, but Roxie kind of arranged it. I never get to see the whole thing though! You totally leave out the threatening of multiple awesome evil inventions!_

_Fillet Minion: I can try and fix that, if you want._

_Fashion Girl: By the way, Roxanne wasn't hurt by those spikes, was she?_

_Fillet Minion: No, sir would never do that. Listen, he doesn't know I know, but he sort of has a thing for Miss Ritchi._

_Fashion Girl: I so knew it! It's painfully obvious, isn't it? Those two have GOT to get together!_

_Fillet Minion: That would be complicated, considering Miss Ritchi is dating Metro Man._

_Fashion Girl: Don't tell Roxanne I told you this, but she and Metro Dork aren't a couple. Never have been, never will be._

He paused. Rachel always giggled when he hesitated.

_Fillet Minion: But I thought those two were…you know._

_Fashion Girl: I know. Everybody thinks so, but Roxanne says he's not really her type. Don't blame her._

_Fillet Minion: Really? That would change everything. Sir would have a field day once he finds out!_

_Fashion Girl: I don't think we should tell him. As much as I think those two should pair up, they need to work things out themselves._

_Fillet Minion: You're probably right. Now, you were telling me about that chicken macaroni thing?_

_Fashion Girl: Yes, after draining the pot, you just mix the chicken in with the macaroni and veggies._

They had been conversing online together for about a week now, chatting about different topics and swapping recipes. Rachel wasn't sure why, but talking with the fish always made her feel better after a hard day of work or an afternoon alone.

_Fashion Girl: So Blue Boy's in jail again?_

_Fillet Minion: Yeah, but he'll be expecting me to break him out in a few days. He wants some time to get ready before the next evil plan._

_Fashion Girl: Did you move to a new lair? The one on TV looked different._

_Fillet Minion: We switch lairs from time to time. I don't know why we didn't do it after the Robot Chickens. Metro Man knows where we are, anyway._

_Fashion Girl: You're kidding, right? You mean to tell me he can just crash in there at any time whether Blue Boy is up to something or not?_

_Fillet Minion: Well, yeah._

_Fashion Girl: That makes him kind of lazy, don't you think?_

_Fillet Minion: LOL!_

Minion had clearly been studying his texting lingo.

_Fashion Girl: You know I heard a rumor that Metro Man might have super speed?_

_Fillet Minion: Seriously? I don't know why it takes so long for him to get here then!_

_Fashion Girl: Maybe it's best that he didn't use super speed. That spoils all the fun anyway._

_Fillet Minion: By the way, I've wanted to ask for a while. How come your username is Fashion Girl?_

_Fashion Girl: Oh that. Ever since I was a kid, I've wanted to be a fashion designer. It was my major in college, but somehow I can't get a job in the market. No one seems to like my ecstatic personality. Thus, I'm waiting tables. How do you like that? I've got a job that I hate._

_Fillet Minion: That makes two of us. Well, I don't hate it, but I just don't like sir's intentions. But he's my friend. I have to help him. You know I design clothes._

Rachel couldn't believe her eyes when she read the last sentence.

_Fashion Girl: Are you serious?_

_Fillet Minion: Who do you think makes all of sir's outfits?_

_Fashion Girl: YOU made that get-up he always wears? God, that is amazing!_

On the other end of the conversation, Minion blushed a deep pink.

_Fashion Girl: Does he ever wash that thing?_

He giggled before answering.

_Fillet Minion: He has four or five sets, but I end up doing all the laundry. He NEVER empties his pockets! You know I once found a security guard in the washing machine?_

It took a minute for Rachel to comprehend. She had forgotten that Megamind had that Dehydration Gun.

_Fashion Girl: LOL! That must've been embarrassing. Did you knock him out with that weird spray?_

_Fillet Minion: Nope. I used the Forget-Me-Stick. It's a little more painful, but effective._

_Fashion Girl: Ouch. Glad you didn't use that on me._

_Fillet Minion: Sir invented the spray especially for Miss Ritchi. He doesn't want her to get hurt, of course._

_Fashion Girl: Okay, I have GOT to see what goes on behind-the-scenes. What does Roxie do to make Blue Boy so smitten?_

_Fillet Minion: Well…you should probably see for yourself. I think I might know a way. I could get in trouble for it though._

_Fashion Girl: It'll be our little secret._

Minion paused. He had never kept any secrets with anyone before, except with Megamind. Could he trust Rachel, though? They had been doing a great job hiding their secret online conversations so far. And for some reason, he really wanted to please her.

_Fillet Minion: Okay, this is how it's going to work._


	4. Webcam

**Another chapter. Review!**

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><p>Rachel watched the screen of her laptop impatiently. The open window was blank. <em>Come on, Minion, hurry up!<em> Then an image flickered and she could see the smiling face of the fish in front of it. _Gosh, he is just the most adorable thing ever!_

"Minion, what are you doing?" she heard Megamind's voice ask.

"Just…setting up my new webcam, sir," Minion replied quickly. "I'm, uh, starting a new video diary. It's the latest thing these days."

After all, he needed an excuse for the webcam being there for every evil plan. Megamind pushed his friend out of the way and stared at the tiny camera.

"You're filming this? Does that mean I should act extra bad today?"

"Do what you always do, sir," Minion said, escorting his master away. "I think Miss Ritchi is waking."

"Oh, right!"

As the villain jumped into his evil chair, Minion turned back to the camera and gave a small wave. Rachel waved back, even though she knew he couldn't see her. Unfortunately, the video could only be one-way, since Megamind wasn't supposed to know she was watching. Minion had bought a new webcam (apparently, he wasn't too keen on stealing) and hooked it up to his laptop. He had minimized the window with Rachel's picture on it and also muted the sound. Even so, she stayed quiet and still like she was in a movie theater.

The bag was removed from Roxanne's head and Megamind turned around.

"Miss Ritchi, we meet again."

_Whoa, serious déjà vu._

"Can't you come up with something else to say?" Roxanne snapped.

_Thank you, sis._

Megamind just smirked. "Perhaps you would prefer: Miss Ritchi, it is a pleasure, as always." Rachel widened her eyes as she watched the alien slide his chair closer to her sister. "Have I ever told you how lovely you look when you're all tied up like that?"

"You may have mentioned it," Roxanne said in a voice that Rachel thought sounded totally unlike her. "But you've never said how I look when I'm _not_ tied up."

The villain laughed. "Nice try, but your tricks won't work on me, temptress."

Both Ritchi sisters dropped open their mouths. Minion faced the webcam with a shocked look.

"What did you just call me?" Roxanne asked.

He ignored her question and pulled a lever. "Prepare yourself, Miss Ritchi. Things are about to _heat up_."

Rachel jumped as a series of flamethrowers circled the reporter. _Hasn't he used flamethrowers before?_

"Haven't you used flamethrowers before?" Roxanne said, echoing Rachel's thoughts.

She didn't see what happened next, for a Brainbot had flown in the way. She wanted to yell at Minion to move it, but then she remembered he couldn't hear or see her.

"Do you really think this is the time for you to get sassy, Miss Ritchi?" she heard Megamind say.

"So what's the plan today?" her sister's voice inquired. "To make me hot and sweaty?"

_Great comeback, sis,_ Rachel thought. _Too bad I can't see his reaction._ She could guess the look on his face from the frustrated grumble.

"I'll have you know, Miss Ritchi, that my plan is far more dastardly dangerous than flamethrowers!"

"Great, what is it?"

"Oh no you don't, nosy reporter! I'm not giving my plan away this time! Minion, the camera!"

"Right away, sir," she heard the fish say.

The Brainbot moved as Minion swatted it away, whispering a quick "Sorry."

Rachel smiled and stroked the screen. "It's alright, Minion."

She then froze when she realized her hand was on the image of his face. _What the heck am I doing?_ Minion was gone when she pulled her hand away. Then all she could see was her sister sitting in the chair, surrounded by flamethrowers. She was assured Roxanne was alright when she saw her smug look. _Gosh, I'm so jealous of her_.

"Action!" she heard Megamind shout from off-screen. "Metro Man, this is a message for you!" He must've been talking into the TV camera. "You will quit your job of being a hero, or else the last image you'll have of Roxanne Ritchi won't be a good one!" There was a pause and Rachel assumed the camera was on her sister now. "Unless you meet my demands, your girlfriend will be toast!"

_Like that'll happen._ Rachel saw Roxanne's lips move with annoyance. She figured the words must have been: _I am not his girlfriend._

A familiar crash caused the webcam to shake. Rachel sagged in disappointment. _It's over already?_

"You can't have toast without scrambled eggs!" she heard the hero say.

Rachel raised an eyebrow. _Was there supposed to be some meaning to that phrase?_

"But eggs can only be cooked on the Stove of Evil!" Megamind argued.

"But the Salt of Justice is what makes it taste good!"

The Ritchi sisters groaned at the same time.

"What do eggs have to do with anything?" Roxanne shouted over the flamethrowers.

"Absolutely correct," the villain said. "Eggs are the least of your worries when you're about to be zapped by my laser cannons!"

Then the screen went blank. Rachel, for one, was glad to end it there. She already knew what was happening next. The laser would backfire somehow and then Metro Man would haul Megamind off to jail in one arm, carrying Roxanne in the other. It was the least exciting part. Minion must have figured that and that's why he had switched the webcam off.

Even though that so-called witty banter between the hero and the villain was lame, Rachel had been intrigued with the banter involving said villain and Roxanne. Flirting was a better word for it. _They are so perfect for each other,_ she thought. It had all been exciting up until Metro Man had entered. He always had to ruin the fun.

But something inside of her felt dissatisfied. Then it occurred to her. Minion hadn't really taken part in the plan. All he did was stand on the sidelines and watch. It just didn't seem fair to her. A fish as cute as that should've been on camera as much as possible.

Rachel shook her head wildly. _Get a hold of yourself, Rach._

Minion came online an hour later.

_Fillet Minion: Was that good enough for you?_

_Fashion Girl: Oh god, were they FLIRTING? Does that happen often?_

_Fillet Minion: You can't imagine!_

_Fashion Girl: I didn't get a good view though. A Brainbot was blocking the way and Blue Boy was out of the shot a couple of times._

_Fillet Minion: I can fix that._

_Fashion Girl: I'm glad you cut it off at the end. What was that about scrambled eggs?_

_Fillet Minion: Let's just say their arguments become more ridiculous every time. You didn't miss much. Metro Man is impervious to lasers._

_Fashion Girl: Big surprise._

_Fillet Minion: He's in jail again, but I slipped away before Metro Man could catch me._

_Fashion Girl: How come he never takes you to jail?_

_Fillet Minion: We both know the answer to that._

Rachel grinned. _He's LAZY!_ They typed that almost simultaneously, causing the two of them to laugh.

_Fashion Girl: That was awesome what you did for me. In fact, everything about you is awesome. Who knew there was a fish in this world that could talk, cook, sew AND make a girl laugh?_

She eagerly awaited a response, but none came. Rachel felt a little hurt. Had she said something wrong?

* * *

><p>Minion shut his computer after reading Rachel's last message. He tried to stop the thumping in his head. Well, it most likely was his head. He couldn't tell the difference himself.<p>

She had just said he was awesome and made her laugh. He had known this whole situation was a bad idea from the beginning. True, Megamind hadn't found out yet, but he was giving away things he shouldn't have said as well as losing focus on his job. And it was all because of this human girl that had somehow walked into his life.

He knew from experience. His master spent his days longing for a woman he could never have. Minion was worried the same thing was happening to him. He had only met the girl once, but after conversing with her online the past couple of weeks, it seemed like he had known her forever. She was enthusiastic, understanding, adorable… _Oh god, I'm worse than sir._

It was too late. Rachel Ritchi had left an impression on him. She was on his mind 24/7 now, while he was supposed to be preparing for the next evil plot.

That was the problem. He was the minion of a super villain. Even if Rachel didn't seem to mind chatting with him, it couldn't get any more serious than that. He was supposed to be one of the bad guys and the bad guy doesn't get the girl.

There was also the fact that he was, after all, a fish. Evil minion or not, it would be too awkward. He knew even Rachel, sweet as she was, would admit that. No, this had to stop before it got too much out of hand.

But he couldn't help but think how hurt Rachel must have been when he had logged off unexpectedly. He let out a sigh and opened up the laptop again.

_Fillet Minion: Sorry, it's just been a rough day and I have a lot of cleaning up to do._

He waited, worried that she wouldn't reply. But she did.

_Fashion Girl: Okay. Same time tomorrow, then. Bye, Minion!_

Minion shivered in his bowl. Why did every word she type have such an effect on him?


	5. Date?

**This is a long one, but I think you can guess where this is going.**

* * *

><p>A few weeks later, Roxanne was thrilled and surprised to find her sister at her front door.<p>

"Roxie!"

"Rachie!"

They squeezed each other.

"What a surprise!" Roxanne exclaimed. "I didn't expect you to be visiting again so soon."

"It would take an army to keep me away from my sister for too long!" Rachel squealed. "We're going to have so much fun this weekend! I already have stuff planned for us!"

"Rach, this is just so unexpected. You can make yourself at home, but I have to finish writing a report before I do anything else."

The younger sister had no objection. Once Roxanne had left, she pulled out her laptop to see if Minion was online. Then again, he was online all the time now, even when not at the computer. It had been a month since they had started chatting and Rachel had witnessed almost every kidnapping in that period of time. Minion had hired one of the Brainbots to handle the webcam so it would focus on wherever the action was taking place. She certainly got a better view of everything.

True, Rachel had been yearning to see her sister and talk about her denied love life, but there had been another reason for her visit to Metro City. She wanted to see the fish again. Even if it was risky, she wanted to see him.

_Fashion Girl: How's it going, Minion?_

She waited for a few minutes. They had talked with the webcam a couple of times, but she couldn't take the chance of Roxanne or Megamind catching them.

_Fillet Minion: Stressful! Moving to a new lair is a pain! It's always "This goes here, this goes there" and "Minion, be careful with that!"_

_Fashion Girl: You've moved? Sorry, I missed the last evil plan because of work._

_Fillet Minion: I've tried saving it for the weekend, but sir wanted to surprise Roxanne by kidnapping her on a different day of the week. Basically, Metro Man destroyed the last lair, but sir and I managed to escape. Hey, aren't Fridays the busiest days over there?_

_Fashion Girl: Yeah, but Charlie said I could take the day off._

_Fillet Minion: Good. You deserve it. I just wish sir would give ME a day off!_

_Fashion Girl: Don't you have time to yourself while he's in prison?_

_Fillet Minion: Well, yeah, but he doesn't give me a day off on purpose._

_Fashion Girl: I'm in Metro City right now._

There was a long pause and Rachel smiled at the thought of him saying what she was hoping for him to say. That hope faded when he responded.

_Fillet Minion: You must be happy to get out of Lansing. You visiting your sister?_

Rachel rolled her eyes.

_Fashion Girl: Sure, Roxie and I are going to have a blast. Though I was kind of hoping we could do something together as well._

Nothing for several moments.

_Fashion Girl: I know what you're thinking. Don't call it a date. I just want to talk to you in person. Um, in fish, I guess? Tomorrow night, maybe?_

Still nothing. Rachel hung her head back and sighed. She knew it was too much to ask from him. He might have to lie to his master, and she understood just how hard it would be for him. Sure, she could tell he enjoyed these online conversations, but meeting face to face was an entirely different situation.

Why did she want to do this anyway? She kept telling herself it was to plot their matchmaking plan, but she couldn't hide the truth. Something about this online relationship between her and the not so evil minion felt nice. She wanted to see more of him and less of his username.

* * *

><p>It was a girl's night for the Ritchi sisters. Roxanne was brushing Rachel's hair while waiting for the bright pink nail polish on her toes to dry.<p>

"I've been meaning to ask you," Roxanne said. "I gave Minion your email. What did he say?"

Rachel's cheeks turned pink. Should she tell her sister about her intense online relationship with Megamind's minion? _No, she might find out what we are planning._

"Um," she stammered, "he gave me his cookie recipe. I tried it out, and it's really good."

"That's nice. Did he say anything else?"

"Well…just that he was sorry about the little mix-up last month. I told him it was nothing to worry about. And…that's pretty much it."

The reporter shrugged. "Too bad. I thought you'd be a good influence for Minion. He doesn't seem that bad. I mean he's always sweet during each kidnapping, even if he is helping a villain destroy a hero."

"He doesn't like it, you know?" Rachel paused. "At least, that's what it looked like."

"So how is Lansing? Did you meet someone?"

"Um, sort of."

"What's his name?"

"I…met him online."

"Oh, I see. Be careful with guys like those. You don't know who they might actually be. It could be dangerous."

"Says the girl involved with a super villain."

Roxanne dropped the brush. "Would you cut it out? Can you imagine me and Megamind…you know?"

"Actually, I can." She gave her sister a knowing look. "_Temptress_."

The reporter widened her eyes. "How did you know about that?"

"Okay, so Minion and I did talk about a _few_ things."

The older sister put her hands on her hips. "What else did he tell you?"

"Only that he agrees with me. You two should really get together."

"He's a super villain, Rachel. You know Mom and everyone else would freak if I got involved with him. It's not a smart idea."

"But you have to admit that for an alien, he's not that bad looking. Come on, admit it!"

"No!"

"Admit it, admit it, admit it!"

"No, no, no! And that's final!"

Rachel pouted. "You can be so stubborn, Roxie."

"So can you. Now stay still while I pin up your hair."

* * *

><p>The next morning, Rachel turned on her computer and nearly shrieked when she saw a message from Minion in her inbox: <em>I'll meet you over by the docks tonight at eight.<em>

She wasn't sure how to react. Should she jump up on a table and start dancing? All that came out was a gasp and a response: _I'll be looking forward to it._

* * *

><p>"Pass me the three-quarter wrench, Minion," Megamind asked his sidekick as he stood on a ladder his latest creation.<p>

The fish obeyed and glanced nervously at his watch. It was a quarter to eight and he didn't want to keep Rachel waiting.

"Minion," his boss groaned. "This is seven eighths!"

"Whoops, sorry," Minion apologized, handing him the correct wrench this time.

"You haven't been focused lately, Minion. That's not tolerated in our line of work."

"I'll try and do better, sir."

After a few minutes of welding, Megamind climbed down, backed up and admired his invention. It was an enormous satellite ray of some sort.

"Isn't it glorious, Minion?" the villain asked in awe.

"It sure is, sir," Minion said. "What is it, exactly?"

"This, Minion, will defeat Metro Man, once and for all! I doubt even a powerful being such as him can withstand the power of the sun! I call it the Death Ray! All we have to do is launch it into orbit and place it in the path of the sun and then…BOOM! Metro Man will be no more!"

"That's great, sir," the fish nodded and looked at his watch again. "I'll put that on my To-Do List. I have to go…run a few errands."

Megamind looked at him confused. "Whatever for, Minion?"

"We…need some more groceries. Some of the stores should be closing now."

The blue alien shrugged it off. "Hurry back, will you? And while you're out there, pick up some coffee and donuts. I'm going to be working late tonight."

"Sir, you know what caffeine and sugar combined does to you."

"Oh, you're such a pill, Minion."

The fish sighed with relief as he picked up his basket and exited the Evil Lair. His master seemed to have bought it. It was almost eight now. He hoped Rachel hadn't changed her mind in the end.

He had been reluctant to agree to this…what was it, anyway? She had said it wasn't a date, but what did that make it then? Well, whatever it was, he just wanted to see her again.

* * *

><p>The Metro City docks were often quiet at night. A few boats floated on the water, but no one was willing to go out onto the lake this late. Rachel paced back and forth impatiently. Her hair was tied up in a neat ponytail and her clothes were a casual green jacket and a pair of jeans. She had surprisingly put on some lipstick and mascara, which was unusual for her. Rachel may have been a girl, but she hated makeup.<p>

Her sister had noticed this as she was leaving the apartment earlier. Rachel had told her she had a date with her mysterious online friend. She wondered if Roxanne, being the clever reporter she was, had figured out which online friend she had been talking about.

It was after eight now and she was worried that Minion might have backed out.

"Um, Miss Ritchi?"

She spun around and smiled widely when she saw the fish in his large gorilla robot suit. _God, he looks so much cuter in person…_

Minion was struck speechless at the sight of her face. Her hair was pulled back, giving him a better view. The dim light complemented her beautiful features and brightened her brilliant blue eyes. He had no idea why he was thinking of her like that. It's not like he hadn't seen a human girl before. After all, she did resemble her sister greatly, but she looked beautiful in her own way.

"I didn't think you'd show up," Rachel said after the sustained silence. "Why did we come out here, anyway?"

She then noticed the picnic basket he was carrying.

"There's a place I want to show you," Minion whispered. "Follow me."

He led her down a path along the water where a small cliff hung overhead. They came to a small wooden dock, hidden from the larger ones. It looked so old and rickety with no boats tied in, like it hadn't been used in years.

"No one docks here anymore," Minion explained. "I come here sometimes to think."

"What's so special about this place?" Rachel asked.

"You'll see. Um, I didn't know if you'd be hungry, so…I brought us something to eat."

"Yay! I finally get to eat some of your cooking! What did you bring?"

Instead of answering, Minion set a blanket over the abandoned dock and sat on top. Rachel joined him as he took out a large bowl of macaroni mixed with vegetables and chunks of chicken.

"I decided to try that recipe of yours," Minion stated.

He scooped some of the casserole into two smaller bowls. Rachel's eyes rolled back once she took a bite.

"My mom used to make this all the time," she said, her mouth still full. "But it's _never_ tasted this good before!"

Minion gave a nervous chuckle. "I guess it's just my natural gift."

Rachel smiled as the fish opened the lid to his glass dome and scooped the food inside before snapping at it.

"I keep forgetting the fact that you're just a fish," she claimed. "How do you control that suit?"

"It functions on my brainwaves," Minion explained.

"So how have things been with Blue Boy?'

He always laughed at her nickname for his master. "He's getting all set for his evil plot next week."

"Ooh, when?"

"Saturday at noon, during the grand opening of the Metro Man Museum. Don't tell your sister though."

"Your secret's safe with me. Gee, Metro Man is so full of himself; he has to have a whole museum! As if having everyone fawning over him wasn't enough. What's Blue Boy using this time? Killer Bunnies?"

"Heh, no. He's using something he calls a Death Ray. Typical, if you ask me. I doubt if it'll work."

"Don't give me all the details! I want to be surprised. At least this idea isn't as ridiculous as the Rock 'em Sock 'em Kittens."

"They were as cute as they were deadly."

Rachel let out that tinkling laugh that Minion still found adorable. She noticed the dreamy look on his face.

"What?" she said.

"Oh, nothing. I just…like your laugh."

She blushed as she brushed away a lose strand of hair. "Thanks."

All was quiet for a few moments, the only sound being the swish of water against the dock. Rachel looked out onto the moonlit lake in awe.

"I can see why you like this place so much," she said. "It's so peaceful."

"It's a good place to get my mind off things," Minion added. "It's the one place sir doesn't know about."

He watched the younger Ritchi sister with wonder. _Gosh, she's pretty_. He shook his head furiously, doing his best to suppress these thoughts. If Rachel knew how he was feeling at this moment, it would scare her away. He didn't want the only person he could really talk to out of his life, even if he did want more.

"Thank you for coming out here, Miss Ritchi," he said. "I for one am glad I accidentally kidnapped you."

She smirked. "Me too, Minion. And please, call me Rachel."

"Okay…Rachel."

Somehow, it felt good to hear him say her name.

* * *

><p>Megamind had forgotten to ask Minion to pick up some screws as well, but when he ran out of the Lair after him, something was wrong. His friend wasn't heading towards the supermarket. He was walking in the opposite direction. Suspicious, the blue alien decided to follow him.<p>

He kept his distance from the fish, hiding in the shadows. Minion had been acting strange after all. Megamind was determined to find out what it was.

His suspicion grew as they came closer to the Metro City Docks. He could understand the fish being attracted to water, but why would he be carrying a picnic basket? Megamind froze as he saw his friend approach a small figure. He could tell it was female from the shape. Why would Minion be meeting with a female? The alien's eyes widened as he recognized the voice and the woman's face became clearer in the dim light.

What was Roxanne's sister doing here? More importantly, what was she doing here with Minion?

"I didn't think you'd show up," Rachel Ritchi had said.

Megamind tried to piece this together. They had arranged to meet here? Maybe Minion was using this as a way of learning more about Roxanne. Of course! If he could get close to the sister, he could figure out what scared their captive the most and use it in the next kidnapping! _Oh, he's brilliant!_

But wait, Minion wasn't like that. He wasn't devious enough to pull off a trick like that. But if it wasn't a trick, what was this all about? Megamind tensed at the thought that came to mind.

He had been so shocked at this that he didn't realize the pair had left. He noticed a small path with a cliff hanging overhead. He climbed this cliff, hiding in the bushes at the top. Megamind slowly inched his way along the edge until he finally saw the couple eating on a picnic blanket at an old dock. _I had no idea this place was here. Wait, are they laughing?_

He couldn't hear much of what they were saying because he was too high up. All he could pick up was something about bunnies, Metro Man and rocks. He had no idea what to make of it, but his minion looked entirely different. His brown eyes lit up at the sound of Rachel Ritchi's laughter, followed by a dreamy smile. _What is up with him?_

Suddenly, something brushed up against him and Megamind let out a shriek. Then he ducked further into the bushes as the couple looked up. He then came face to face with what had touched him. He met the blue eyes with a surprised expression. The owner held a pair of binoculars.

"Miss Ritchi?" he uttered.

Roxanne shook her shock away and narrowed her eyes. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"I followed my minion. What are _you _doing here?"

"Same reason as you. I came to see who my sister's mysterious date was."

The villain's eyes widened. "You mean Minion is on a…that he's in…no! That's impossible!"

"I'm afraid that's what it appears to be," the reporter shrugged.

Megamind couldn't believe it. That's why Minion had been so distracted.

"But how?" he asked. "How did this happen?"

"I gave Minion Rachel's email," Roxanne explained. "She said she wanted his cookie recipe from him, but I guess they talked about a little more than that. She told me she had a date with someone she met online. I kind of put two and two together and followed to see if my theory was correct. It's a little hard for me to believe myself, but I suspected it."

The blue alien narrowed his eyes. "You! _You_ caused this! You wanted my minion to get distracted so I wouldn't be able to carry out my evil plans!"

Roxanne rolled her eyes. "Oh please. Your plans fail with or without my help."

"No! I won't tolerate this! I won't have my minion falling in love with any human! I am going down there and stopping this right now!"

His frequent kidnapping victim grabbed his arm before he could make a break for it. He was a little surprised at her sudden touch.

"Oh no you don't," Roxanne demanded. "I'm not letting you ruin my sister's happiness."

Megamind glanced at her. "What are you talking about?"

"Just watch and listen."

She pulled him back up to the ledge and handed him the binoculars. Megamind grinned and raised an eyebrow.

"You do realize this is spying, Miss Ritchi?" he smirked. "It seems rather bad, don't you think?"

Roxanne groaned. "I'm just looking out for my sister."

The villain looked through the binoculars, getting a better view of the nervous smile on Minion's face. He could only make out a tiny bit of their conversation.

"You're…" Rachel spoke, "…different…really enjoyed…kind of cute."

If he wasn't shocked before, he certainly was now. He looked back at Roxanne and she gave a small nod.

"But…" Megamind stammered. "They're not even the same species!"

"That doesn't seem to matter to them," Roxanne pointed out. "Everyone deserves happiness, don't you think?"

He pondered over this as he continued to stare at the lovely reporter. She had never been this close to him before and their elbows were touching. _Everyone deserves happiness._ The words repeated in his head.

Roxanne then realized just how close they were and scooted away, much to Megamind's disappointment.

"We should probably go," she whispered. "Rachel will get suspicious once she realizes I'm not in my apartment."

"Yes," Megamind agreed. "Minion still thinks I'm in the Lair."

They climbed down from the cliff and started to go their separate ways. Megamind, however, turned back.

"Do you want me to…walk you home?" he asked. "The streets aren't usually safe at this time of night."

Roxanne spun around in confusion. "Why?"

He thought up something quick. "Well, I wouldn't want my only captive to get mugged now, would I?"

She knew this probably wasn't a good idea. This could've been a trick so he could kidnap her. But she doubted he'd be planning something if his minion was distracted. She was a little nervous about walking the streets alone.

"Alright," she muttered.

If anyone had been out at that moment, they would have been shocked at seeing them walking side by side. Fortunately, no one was, this being the more deserted part of town. For a while, there was awkward silence between the pair. Megamind was the first to speak.

"So you're not freaked out at all about Minion and…?"

"Not really," Roxanne replied. "Sure, it's a little unusual, but if it makes my sister happy, it makes me happy."

"You do realize she's dating the assistant of a dangerous super villain?"

"Since when are you dangerous?"

Megamind groaned. "Since always! Are you aware of the dastardly weapons I point at you and the fact that I'm trying to destroy your boyfriend?"

"And how many of those weapons have actually hurt me?"

"Well…that is…"

Roxanne smirked. "Exactly."

"That's not the point. Do you know what the citizens of Metrocity will think when they find out your sister is dating my minion?"

"Who cares? I think Minion is nice, whether he's working for you or not. At least he's never tried to hurt anyone."

Megamind felt a little hurt. "I've never tried to hurt you, Roxanne."

"I know." Then the reporter blinked. "Did you just call me Roxanne?"

"Um, yes. That's your name, isn't it?"

They said nothing else for the rest of the way to Roxanne's apartment. Before she went inside, Megamind called out to her.

"Now don't think this whole situation changes anything! You'll still be expecting a kidnapping from me!"

Roxanne turned back and smirked. "Wouldn't have it any other way."

He gave a small sigh as he watched her walk into the building. _Everyone deserves happiness._ He shook it out as much as he could. He mustn't get distracted like Minion, whether he was happy or not. Still, if his next plan was a success, he needed a plan for afterward. That's when a thought occurred to him. _If Minion managed to obtain one Ritchi, maybe I could catch the other._

* * *

><p><strong>What do you think is going to happen? Review!<strong>


	6. Research

**Before any of you panic, no, it is not going to be the movie revised. Okay, that was my original plan, but based on all the reviews, I scratched that. I hope people like where I'm going with this now. I warn you, there will be some elements taken from the movie.**

* * *

><p>Minion and Rachel packed up their dinner once they had finished eating. As they were doing this, Rachel glanced at the water below.<p>

"Is it safe for you to swim in the lake?" she asked.

"Well, I assume it is," Minion replied.

"Only one way to find out."

Without warning, she reached up, opened the lid to the glass dome and pulled the fish out. The robot suit drooped as it ceased to function. Despite Minion's screams, Rachel tossed him into the lake.

"What was that for?" he asked, floating back up to the surface.

"Don't be such a spoil sport," Rachel giggled. "Aren't you having fun down there?"

"Alright, you asked for it!"

The woman gasped as the suit behind her came to life.

"How did…?"

The robotic arms picked her up and threw her into the water. Rachel gasped up for air as the little green fish swimming beside her giggled.

"God, it's freezing!" she shivered. "I don't understand. I thought that thing wouldn't work without you inside!"

"Fooled you, didn't I? I told you it functions on my brainwaves, whether I'm in the suit or not."

"You…you…"

She splashed the fish, only to have water squirted back in her face. Minion laughed again.

"Oh, you think that's funny?" Rachel demanded.

When Minion stopped laughing and opened his eyes, Rachel was gone.

"Rachel?" he called. "Where did you…?"

He screamed as something grabbed and lifted him out of the water. It was Rachel's turn to laugh. Minion then realized that she had never touched him before. The feeling of her cool hands against his skin felt sensational. He then made a reality check and shook his head.

"I should really get back now," he said. "Sir will be expecting me back anytime soon."

Rachel silently agreed as she put him down and hauled herself back onto the dock. She then picked up Minion and placed him back inside his suit.

"I'll admit," he said. "It's nice to get out of the tank once in a while."

He then noticed that Rachel was shivering. Her clothes were soaking wet, after all. He didn't have a towel, so he wrapped the picnic blanket around her instead.

"Thanks," she whispered. "How am I going to explain my wet clothes to Roxanne?"

"You'll think of something."

He started walking her home.

"By the way, there's one thing I really wanted to talk about tonight," Rachel said.

"And what is that?"

"We need to come up with a way to get Blue Boy and Roxanne together."

Minion sighed. "As happy as that would make sir, it would take a miracle for them to become a couple."

"Why don't we be that miracle? Think about it. You know what Blue Boy likes and I know what Roxanne likes. We just figure out what they have in common and make it happen."

"It could make trouble. Metro Man might come after your sister too if she got involved with sir."

"You have a point there. People might think of her as evil too. But you know what I think? I think Blue Boy doesn't even want to be evil."

"You're right, actually. He didn't plan to become the bad guy. It was those bullies in school who helped him make that decision. You know they once played ball with me?"

Rachel took his robotic hand and gave him a sympathetic look. Oh, how Minion wished it was his actual hand she was holding.

"That's terrible. But do you know what they say about romance? It changes people. I'll bet you if we can make Blue Boy _really_ fall in love with my sister; he won't want to be a villain anymore. It's worth a try."

"Getting sir to fall for your sister isn't the problem. The problem is to get your sister to fall for sir."

When Minion realized they were getting further into the city, he turned the watch on his wrist, transforming his figure into a blonde human. Rachel jumped back in surprise. She noticed his autumn brown eyes hadn't changed.

"Disguise generator," Minion explained. "Better safe than sorry."

"Does Blue Boy have a watch like that?"

"Sure. In fact, he used it in one of his prison breaks."

Rachel lit up as an idea came to mind. "I have it! Minion, Roxanne would rather die than go on a date with Megamind, right? Who says she has to know it's Megamind she's on a date with?"

The idea sunk in. "Oh no."

"Oh yeah."

"That's not going to work."

"It will! We just have to be clever about it."

"But how am I going to convince sir to put on a disguise?"

"I have an idea on that, but you have to promise me you won't back out."

Minion was still unsure. "I don't know. This is serious stuff."

"Look, you want your boss to stop being a villain and I want my sister to be happy. We're either in this together, or not."

She held out her hand, urging him to take it. The disguised fish glanced down at it nervously. He did want his friend to be happy, and he was certain destroying Metro Man wouldn't be the answer. He also didn't want to let Rachel down. So he took the hand.

"Alright, I'm in."

* * *

><p>Megamind sat at his worktable, only instead of sketching an evil invention or writing chemical equations, he was reading a pile of books. It would usually take a person several hours to read a novel, but Megamind, with his enormous brain, could read through one in just a few minutes. Whenever he finished one, he would put it in one of the two separate piles.<p>

This was the sight Minion came across when he arrived at the Lair, carrying a box of donuts and two cups of coffee.

"Um, sir?"

Megamind quickly shut the book he was reading and straightened himself up as he turned to face his friend.

"Minion!" he squeaked. "What took you so long?"

Instead of answering, the fish peered at the piles of books behind his boss.

"What are all those books for?" he asked.

"Oh, um, just catching up on my reading. It helps me relax. So how as your da…errand? Ooh, you brought the coffee and donuts!"

"I thought you were supposed to be working on your Death Ray thing," Minion said, handing his master the treats.

"Oh, that. Well, you see, I thought we could…postpone that plan for a little while."

"Postpone it?"

"Something came up. I've been doing…research."

Unable to contain his curiosity, Minion approached the two equally tall piles on the right and read the titles on top: _Romeo and Juliet_ and _Sense and Sensibility_. _Funny,_ he thought. _Why would sir be reading these?_

"Research on what, exactly?"

Megamind bit his lip nervously. How was he going to handle this situation? After all, he had just seen his best friend on a date with the sister of his kidnapping victim. Should he tell him off or pretend he knew nothing? His only response was another question.

"Minion, do you think everyone deserves happiness?"

The fish smiled at the thought of Rachel. "Most definitely, sir."

"Even if you're bald and have the complexion of a primary color…as a random, non-specific example?"

"Well, yeah, I suppose."

Minion then peeked at the titles of the other books. The one with _Romeo and Juliet _on top also included _A Walk to Remember, Gone With the Wind, Anthony and Cleopatra _and others. The other one contained _A Midsummer Night's Dream, The Princess Bride_ and surprisingly, _Beauty and the Beast_. They were all about romance. Why the separate piles though?

Realization dawned on him and he grinned. _This is going to be easier than we thought._

"Sir, what's this all about?"

"I'll…tell you in the morning. I think I need to sleep on it."

Minion didn't bother mentioning the unconsumed coffee and donuts. Once his master had left for his bedroom, he hurried to his computer to tell Rachel his discovery.

* * *

><p>The next morning, Megamind woke and found that Minion had powered down. The cold refreshments from last night were on his desk. He took the opportunity and stuffed it all down his throat. This resulted in a major sugarcaffeine rush, which for a human would have given a small boost of energy. However, in Megamind's case, it accelerated his energy by a hundred percent.

By the time Minion had powered on, his boss was speeding his way through the Lair, picking up book after book and scribbling note after note, all in the blink of an eye. _He's been at the coffee. It figures._ The fish kept a safe distance away and waited until the villain started to slow down. He let out a groan and collapsed on the floor.

"I warned you, sir," Minion smirked.

"Don't get cocky, Minion," Megamind grumbled, standing himself up.

Minion noticed the piles of books had grown, along with the mess of notes.

"Are you going to tell me now what this is all about?"

He could already guess though.

The blue alien took a breath. "No use hiding it from you, Minion. As you can see, all these books here are romances. Well, not all of them, but they include some element of human affection."

"Why in the world would you be reading romance novels?"

"Well…" _How am I going to make this sound evil?_ "If one is going to impress a human woman, one must know the basics!"

Minion pretended to be surprised. "What? What sort of woman would you want to impress?"

"That would be none other than," he paused for dramatic effect, "Roxanne Ritchi!"

The fish made a fake gasp. "Oh, sir, you wouldn't!"

"I would, Minion. I'm going to woo Roxanne Ritchi with my devilish charms, causing her to want me instead of that hero in tights. When Metro Man finds out, he'll become so heart-broken that I'll use his weakness to my advantage! Not only will I finally be able to defeat my rival, but I might gain an Evil Queen out of it!"

Minion, of course, knew the real reason behind this plan, but he didn't show it. He decided to play his usual part and go against it.

"Sir, this is low, even for you," he said. "You're going to use Miss Ritchi for your own selfish reasons? Besides, even if you did manage to impress her, she would never admit it to your face."

Megamind put on a smug look. "Minion, Minion, Minion. It won't be my face she'll admit it to. I'll be wearing a disguise. She won't even know it's me."

"But she's a good girl, sir. She wouldn't cheat on Metro Man."

"But at some point, all good girls go bad."

Minion was doing a happy dance on the inside. Even if it looked like his master was doing this for all the wrong reasons, he was supposed to make him think it was his plan in the first place. Now all he needed to do was get the sparks going.

"You sure you've done enough research, sir?" Minion asked. "After all, you don't want this plan to fail like the rest."

"You're right, Minion," Megamind observed. "If you need me, I'll be at the _lie-berry_."

"Wait a moment, sir. Your disguise?"

"Oh, yes, of course!"

He turned the dial on his watch, transforming his exterior to a man with brown hair, glasses, a blue turtle-neck and brown jacket.

"When did you get that disguise, sir?"

"Um, I don't remember. What was that man's name? Barry?"

Once the disguised villain had left in the invisible car, Minion rushed to his laptop.

* * *

><p>"You didn't tell me about your date last night," Roxanne said to her sister as they ate breakfast.<p>

"Oh," Rachel blushed. "It was okay."

"There was nothing fishy about your mysterious online friend?"

_That was a weird question._ "Um, not really."

After helping her sister clear up the dishes, Rachel checked her email and found a message from Minion: _Sir on his way to library._ She grinned and replied: _Will meet up with you there._

"Shouldn't you be heading back home?" Roxanne asked her. "What about your job?"

_Shoot, I forgot my job!_ "I'm due for a vacation, anyway. Hey Roxie, could we stop by the library? I feel in the mood to spend Sunday afternoon cuddled up with a book."

The reporter pondered over the question. "Now that you mentioned it, something to read would be a nice way to relax the day."

_Like putty in our hands._

* * *

><p><strong>Do YOU guys know the reason for the two seperate piles?<strong>


	7. The Library

**About the piles of books, some of you guessed right. And really, what you think is going to happen in this chapter is not going to happen. Let's see if anyone can spot the True Jackson, VP reference in here. I hope no one finds this chapter cheesy. And one more thing. No rain scene!**

* * *

><p>Megamind had been to the library in disguise several times before, using a library card under a fake name. There was really no point in stealing library books, in his opinion. After all, no one had to pay in checking them out.<p>

He scanned the fiction section for a book he hadn't read yet. Then his eyes came across _Pride and Prejudice._ It was one he had read in the past, but he wanted to look at it again. His hand fell upon it at the same time as another's. He glanced to his side and froze as his green eyes met Roxanne Ritchi's blue ones. They stared at each other for a long moment.

"Um," Roxanne blushed. "I'm sorry, did you want this one?"

She handed it to him.

"Uh, no," Megamind stammered, handing it back. "That's alright."

"You ever read _Pride and Prejudice_ before? It's one of my favorites."

He rubbed the back of his neck. "I've read it once or twice."

That wasn't a lie, though he wouldn't have admitted it if he hadn't been in disguise.

"Really?" Roxanne said. "Not many guys would, you know? Some really aren't that sensitive."

Rachel was peeking through a bookshelf, watching them. She could guess the nerdy-looking guy was Megamind, due to the glowing green eyes. She gasped as someone tapped her on the shoulder. She spun around to see a blonde man with autumn brown eyes. Rachel let out a sigh of relief as she recognized Minion's disguise.

"How are they hitting it off?" he asked.

"You won't believe this," she whispered.

They looked through the peephole between the books as the reporter and the disguised villain continued their conversation.

"Do you often read romance novels?" Roxanne questioned.

"Hundreds," Megamind smirked.

"That's an exaggeration, right?"

"Sure, we'll go with that."

The reporter gazed into his bright green eyes again. _Wait a second. I know those eyes. No, it couldn't be._

"What did you say your name was again?"

"Um," Megamind uttered as he tried to recall that man he had dehydrated at the art museum. "Bernard."

She held out her hand. "I'm…"

"Oh, I know who you are, Miss Ritchi. You report for KMCP news. I must say, you are an excellent reporter. You also happen to be…" he cringed, "Metro Man's girlfriend."

Roxanne was about to tell him the truth, but if her suspicion was correct, it would ruin everything. _He even sounds just like him._

"Do you think she knows?" Rachel whispered to her friend.

"I'd be surprised if she didn't," Minion admitted. "Roxanne is a smart girl, after all."

"Ugh, we can't let her find out."

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. It's not right if sir is lying to her."

"Hmm, you're right. Roxanne doesn't like being lied to. So you think we should stop it?"

"Of course! You should have seen him earlier! He's going about it for all the wrong reasons! We need to think of some other way, but we have to get him out of there first."

"Leave that to me."

Rachel moved around the shelf and grabbed a random book just as her sister was saying, "Okay, so what is this all…?"

"Roxie!" Rachel exclaimed, grabbing her sister by the arm. "I found a book! Let's go to the check-out!"

Megamind watched her go. Did she suspect something? Of course she did. Roxanne was smart. He knew the disguise plan wasn't good enough. She had probably figured it out in just two seconds. He needed to come up with something else.

* * *

><p><em>Fashion Girl: Hey, Minion.<em>

_Fillet Minion: Hey! Where have you been, by the way? I haven't heard from you in almost a week!_

_Fashion Girl: I was kind of busy. You know what I did? I drove back to Lansing and handed Charlie my letter of resignation._

_Fillet Minion: You did?_

_Fashion Girl: I told you. I never liked that job. You know what else? I asked Roxie if I could move in with her and she said yes!_

_Fillet Minion: So…you'll be a lot closer now?_

_Fashion Girl: Yeah. I figured since we're planning to get Blue Boy and sis together, I might as well move up here. I didn't have that much stuff anyway. By the way, how is Blue Boy?_

_Fillet Minion: I'm worried about him. He's spent most of his days reading through those books for the umpteenth time! He says he needs more research for his plan. Do you know what else he did? He built an observatory on top of our roof! I asked him why and he said it was to clear his mind. Clear his mind for what?_

_Fashion Girl: Hold up. He built an observatory in just a week? I know he's a genius, but how is that possible?_

_Fillet Minion: You can thank coffee and sugar for that._

Rachel raised an eyebrow.

_Fashion Girl: Okay…I don't think I want to know. Roxanne's been weird, too. She's been groaning about Blue Boy and why he hasn't been doing anything lately. She's also been eying me suspiciously._

_Fillet Minion: Do you think she knows our plan?_

_Fashion Girl: If she does, she's not admitting it. I feel we should talk about this in private. Want to meet up at the same place as last time?_

_Fillet Minion: Okay._

* * *

><p>When her sister said she was going out that evening, Roxanne could already guess where she was heading. She was going to meet up with Minion again. The reporter honestly didn't know how to handle the situation. Should she lecture her sister on how this could lead into possible disaster? Should she encourage it? After all, Rachel would be a good influence on the fish.<p>

But where was it all going to lead? What would happen if the two got really involved? Would that ruin all of the evil plots? Was that why Megamind had been a no show?

She also wanted to know why he was at the library, checking out a Jane Austen novel. Had he been lying when he said he had read it a few times, or was he telling the truth? If it had been a lie, why was he checking it out?

Roxanne made a final decision and drove her car to the docks. She inched her way up the hill and sure enough, her frequent kidnapper was perched on the ledge, peeking through a pair of binoculars.

"I thought you'd be up here," she said.

"Gah!" Megamind gasped as she crawled up beside him. Realizing it was her, he smirked. "Spying again, are we, Miss Ritchi?"

"Yes and no. I actually wanted to talk to you about something."

"Really?"

She motioned for him to lower himself down.

"I know it was you at the library earlier," she claimed.

Megamind's cheeks blushed a deep lilac. _I knew she figured it out._

"What else do you know?"

"Just that you were checking out _Pride and Prejudice._ What was that about, anyway?"

"I was…that is…"

Roxanne put on a smug look. "You mean to tell me the villain actually has a sensitive side?"

He narrowed his eyes at her. "Don't go spreading that around!"

"Don't worry," she giggled.

He gazed at her longingly for a while. _Speak, you fool! Time to put the plan into action!_

"It's actually less lonely now that you're here," he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's always better when you're around. What is light, if you be not seen? What is joy, if you be not by?"

Roxanne raised an eyebrow. "Are you quoting Shakespeare?"

_Maybe that was moving too fast,_ Megamind thought.

"Sorry if that made you uncomfortable," he apologized. "I'll just stop talking now."

"No," she said, touching his arm. "Go on."

The villain looked at her in confusion. He had expected her to run off or slap him in the face.

"For where thou art, there is the world itself, and where thou art not, desolation."

"First _Pride and Prejudice,_ then _Two Gentlemen of Verona, _and now _Henry IV_?" Roxanne questioned. "What else have you read?"

Megamind smirked. "It all depends. What have _you_ read?"

"_The Princess Bride_?"

"An excellent book, in my opinion. Though the author tries to convince us it's real, which it isn't. I've studied Geography and there's no such country called Florin."

"But it's filled with action, humor and romance. I liked the movie better though, because they showed more emotion and the ending was different.

"I didn't like the ending! He just cut the whole thing off!"

"And for once, the heroine doesn't end up with the so-called Prince Charming."

"I know what you mean. They're all 'Look at me! I'm a prince with strong muscles and great hair! Want to get married even though I know absolutely nothing about you, only that you're pretty?'"

Roxanne burst out laughing. Megamind stared at her dreamily. _She has such a wonderful laugh._

"I never knew you could be so funny," Roxanne said.

"And," the villain stammered, "I've never heard you laugh before."

"Yeah, it's been a while. It feels pretty good."

It _had_ been a while since she had laughed, and Megamind had succeeded in coaxing it out of her. _And I have always admired a guy who read._

"What about _Romeo and Juliet_?" Roxanne asked, shaking the thoughts out of her head. "Have you read that?"

"Excellently penned, though some humans can be so naïve. I mean they get married the day after they meet and then they later kill themselves just because the other is dead! I mean come on, really?"

"I'll admit they do act a little stupid. 'Hey, Romeo! I know we just met, but do you want to get married?'"

It was Megamind's turn to laugh.

"But there is an important message," Roxanne pointed out. "People shouldn't hold a grudge for any reason whatsoever. If it hadn't been for that feud, Romeo and Juliet would have been happy. I also like how they didn't care what anyone else would say. Love is powerful enough to conquer anything."

The villain said nothing.

"It reminds me of Minion and Rachel," the reporter mused. "Anyway, have you read _Much Ado About Nothing_?"

Megamind perked up. "One of the funniest things I've read!"

"I know, right? Though can you believe Beatrice and Benedick were so blind they didn't realize that behind their arguments, they were really in love?"

"Humans can be stupid sometimes! No offence, of course. That last scene made me roll on the floor." Roxanne giggled as he used a Shakespearean accent. "Sweet Beatrice, who likes to make fun of me, do not you love me?"

The reporter decided to join in and spoke in the same way. "Why no, no more than reason."

"Why then, your uncle and the Prince and Claudio have been deceived. They swore you did."

"Do not you love me?"

"Troth, no, no more than reason."

"Why then, my cousin, Margaret, and Ursula are much deceived, for they did swear you did."

Megamind put on the seductive look he usually wore during the kidnappings as he inched closer. "They swore that you were almost sick for me."

Roxanne copied his movement. "They swore that you were well-nigh dead for me."

"'Tis no such matter. Then you do not love me?"

"No, truly, but in friendly recompense."

They were so deep into the quoting, that they didn't realize it when they began speaking out of the script.

"Then your actions would differ," Megamind said. "What wouldst thou say if I were to swear that I loved you?"

"I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me."

"Then thou wouldst have a headache, Miss Ritchi."

"I wouldst have to live with it, Blue Boy."

The villain stopped and widened his eyes. "Blue Boy?"

"Sorry," Roxanne said, scooting back once she realized how close they were. "That's what my sister calls you."

Megamind sat himself up. "Oh yes, your sister. Speaking of which, what are we going to do about…you know, them?"

He gestured over the cliff to where Minion and Rachel were sitting on the pier, chatting away gleefully. Rachel brought out a notebook which Roxanne knew she drew all her design idea in.

"I don't know," the reporter admitted. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't think we should go through routine kidnappings anymore."

Megamind almost fell off the edge. "You want us to what? We can't just call everything off! Might I remind you, Miss Ritchi, that I'm a villain? If I stop carrying out my evil plots, what am I supposed to do?"

"You have that big brain of yours. You could work for NASA or something. Anyway, with Minion and my sister as a couple, it just wouldn't sit right, don't you think?"

The alien heaved a sigh. "Even if I wanted to give up my evil plans, no one would believe me. They'd think it was some kind of trick."

Roxanne took his hand. "I'd believe you."

He looked up at her, confusion returning. "Really?"

"Sure. You may pass for a super villain, but you don't seem like one right now."

It was the truth. As they had been talking, he seemed more like a normal person and less of a super villain. Meanwhile, Megamind couldn't believe that the girl of his dreams was actually holding his hand. Roxanne couldn't believe it either.

_What am I doing?_ The reporter thought. Megamind sighed sadly as she took her hand away.

"We should get out of here before they hear us," Roxanne said.

"Yes," the alien agreed quickly. "Parting is such sweet sorrow, but you're right."

As they descended, Roxanne stepped on an empty soda can.

"Ugh," she groaned. "This city's a dump. I hate how people can be such litterbugs."

"You don't say," Megamind observed.

They turned to each other before getting into their cars.

"Well, it was nice seeing you again, Miss Ritchi," Megamind said.

"Yeah," Roxanne nodded. "Hey, would you mind if we met up here…again?"

The alien blinked. "You mean to spy on Minion and your sister?"

"Um, not exactly."

"Well," he hesitated, "if you don't mind, of course."

"Not at all."

"Then I guess…tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow."

Neither of them could suppress the grin on their face as they drove their separate ways.

* * *

><p>"These are really good," Minion said, referring to Rachel's sketches. "You really should be a designer."<p>

"Thanks," Rachel beamed. "This is the one I'm most proud of."

Stuck between the pages was a loose sheet of paper, yellowed with age. On it was the drawing of a light green summer dress.

"I designed it when I was ten," Rachel explained. "We had an art show at school, and I actually won second place!"

"Just second?"

"Third place was a macaroni collage of the Mona Lisa. Weird, I know."

"But it's an amazing design, especially for someone who was ten!"

"Too bad you weren't the judge then."

"So about this plan, do you think it will work?"

"It's got to. The only way to get them to notice each other is to force them together."

"Should we carry it out tomorrow?"

"No, I still have some unpacking to do. Besides, it's my birthday in a couple of days."

"Really? We never really celebrated birthdays. Sir would always be too busy planning something."

Rachel sighed as she looked at the garbage floating in the water. "It's such a shame that so many people don't care where they throw their trash. Look what it's doing to the water. The poor fish in there are dying from pollution."

Minion shuddered at the thought of swallowing garbage. At least his tank was filtered. The sad look on Rachel's face made him wonder.

* * *

><p>When Minion went back to the Evil Lair, his boss was climbing onto the Spider Bot.<p>

"What's going on, sir?" he questioned.

"Oh, Minion," Megamind said, looking embarrassed. "I was just thinking. This city is filled with garbage and, um, we don't want to take over a dump now, do we?"

Minion raised an eyebrow, but then grinned. "Actually, that's just what I was thinking about, sir!"

* * *

><p>Rachel came home and found her sister reclining on the couch, reading <em>Much Ado About Nothing<em> with a wide smile on her face. She gasped as Roxanne let out a loud laugh.

"You haven't laughed like that in a while," Rachel observed.

Roxanne sat up quickly and tried to look innocent. "What are you talking about? I laugh all the time."

"Maybe you'd giggle, but I haven't heard a laugh like that from you since we were teenagers. What were you laughing about anyway?"

"I was just reading this play again. I've never realized how much…"

"How much what?"

"Nothing. Whoa, look at the time! We should get some sleep."

Rachel watched as her sister made her way to her bedroom. Something definitely seemed different about her.

* * *

><p><strong>What can I say? I love Shakespeare. His first quote was from <em>Two Gentlemen of Verona, Act 3, Scene 1. <em>The second was from_ Henry IV, Part 2, Act 3, Scene 2._ I don't know, do you think quoting Shakespeare was out of character for him? I just thought he should have learned something from all those books. Who can spot the hidden _Romeo and Juliet_ quote?**


	8. Metro Man Day

**I had you there in the last chapter, huh? Yep, lots of movie references here. Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Megamind was scribbling on a piece of paper at his desk. Minion could just barely see the doodled hearts and Roxanne's name written numerous times in cursive.<p>

"Sir?" he said.

The blue alien quickly hid his doodles and stood up straight and put on an innocent smile.

"What is it, Minion?"

"It's just…today is Metro Man Day and weren't you going to carry out that big plan of yours?"

_Gosh, I forgot about that!_ "Um, some other time, Minion."

His eyebrows shot up. "What?"

"I mean come on. Everyone will expect me to do something dastardly on Metro Man Day. The element of surprise is what makes the whole thing enjoyable. Besides, I can't try and destroy Metro Man until the other plan is a success."

Minion smiled to himself. This was good. He was thinking about things other than his evil plans. But what had been the real reason behind their clean-up last night? He noticed his master staring at the piles of books, which had been moved to the floor due to the amount of space they took up.

"I've wanted to ask for a while, sir," he said. "Why the two separate piles?"

"I separated them based on their endings," Megamind explained. "One stack is for tragic endings, and the other is for happy endings."

"Okay and what was the point behind this?"

"I was hoping the latter would be bigger, but they are equal."

That meant a fifty percent chance that his ending would be happy. Meanwhile, the fish had a brainstorm.

"You know, sir. Miss Ritchi is probably doing a report on the opening of the Metro Man Museum as we speak."

"So?"

"So if you're not going to destroy Metro Man today, you might as well try and impress Miss Ritchi. Isn't that what you want to do?"

Megamind looked at him suspiciously. "You don't usually support my plans."

"What was I supposed to do?" Minion shrugged. "Suggest that you mope around the rest of the day? Or, if you want, you can go through the routine kidnapping."

The villain's lips spread into a grin. "You might be on to something, Minion! Um, could you go run some errands for me? We're out of…batteries."

"I just bought some yesterday, sir."

"Well, we're out again. What are you standing around here for? Go!"

Minion just smiled wider, knowing the real reason why he wanted him out of the Lair. "You enjoy yourself, sir."

* * *

><p>"Happy Metro Man Day, Metro City," Roxanne said into the camera as she stood outside the new museum, veiled with a gold curtain. "It's a beautiful day here in beautiful downtown, where we are here to honor a beautiful man: Metro Man!" She tried to stop herself from snickering. "His heart is like an ocean that's inside a bigger ocean. For years, he's been watching us with his super vision, saving us with his super strength and caring for us with his super heart." <em>God, this is the stupidest thing I've ever written.<em> "Now it's our turn to give something back. This is Roxanne Ritchi, reporting live from the dedication of the Metro Man Museum."

She signaled Hal to cut and let out a quick sigh of relief. She really didn't have that much against Metro Man, but her boss expected her to say that sort of cheesy stuff. Of course, she wasn't that inspired when reporting about Metro Man, so the reports always ended up that flimsy. _Why does it always have to be about Metro Man? He's not the only thing interesting about this city._ All the same, it got her ratings.

"Wow," Hal said. "The stuff they make you read on air is un-freaking believable. You know what I'm saying?"

Roxanne agreed with him, but she still felt insulted.

"I wrote that piece myself, Hal."

Hal widened his eyes and then turned around. "What I meant to say was…I can't believe, in our modern society, they let actual art get onto the news."

"Nice save, Hal."

"What are we? Let's just get a coffee or something."

She would have given almost anything to get out of that party, but they both had a job to do. Besides, she wasn't that excited at the thought of getting a coffee with Hal.

"Come on," she said with a smile. "It's time to get into the Metro Man Day spirit!"

Hal rolled his eyes. "Well, if I were Metro Man, Megamind wouldn't be kidnapping you all the time. That's the first thing to go."

"That's sweet, Hal."

"And I'd be watching you like…a dingo watches a human baby." He then realized what he had just said. "Okay, that sounded a little bit weird."

Roxanne cringed. "A little bit, yeah."

As he started rambling on, the reporter just shook her head. She knew Hal meant well and he was a good guy, but he could sometimes be a little creepy. But she didn't mind. Her thoughts were on Megamind.

He had seemed different last night and she had to admit, she had always wanted a guy to quote classic literature to her. _What am I thinking? He's a super villain!_

She was expecting him to be kidnapping her anytime soon. Attempting to destroy Metro Man during the grand opening of his museum was so sure for Megamind. Her theory was confirmed when a black hand bearing a spray can appeared out of nowhere. She tried to swat it away, but the chemical took immediate effect. The last thing she remembered was falling into the alien's arms and being pulled into the invisible car.

* * *

><p>Roxanne wasn't surprised that her wrists and ankles were tied, but she was surprised at the fact that there wasn't a bag. Another new thing was that Megamind was in his chair, but he wasn't facing the other way. He sat there, smiling at her.<p>

"How's your day been, Miss Ritchi?" he asked.

_That's new, too._ "Oh, just fine, until you showed up."

She became even more surprised as he looked a little hurt, but he shook it off.

"You should thank me, Miss Ritchi," he said, moving his chair towards her. "I've spared you from listening to a boring speech from Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes."

She had to admit that she was glad he had kidnapped her. She really didn't want to listen to another one of Wayne's boastful speeches. But she couldn't say it out loud.

"You know I was just thinking about you, actually," she said instead. "It's so like you to kidnap me during the grand opening of the Metro Man Museum."

Roxanne glanced around at the new Lair, which looked like the abandoned observatory.

"Is there some kind of nerdy super villain website where you get Tesla coils and blinky dials?" she wondered aloud.

Megamind smirked. "I'll have you know, Miss Ritchi, that most of it comes from an outlet store in…" He then stopped himself. "Oh no, Miss Ritchi! Don't you dare try and use those nosy reporter skills of yours to find out all my secrets!"

A shiver ran up Roxanne's spine as he shifted his body closer to her. His voice then changed into a low, husky tone.

"Such tricks," he said as he circled her, "won't work on me."

"Please talk slower," she whispered to him.

"_Temptress_."

She let out a slight gasp at the name he had given her. "You know, I thought we were going to call off the routine kidnappings."

"Oh ho, Miss Ritchi," Megamind cackled. "I'm not sure if you've noticed, but this isn't a routine kidnapping!"

"Wait, what?"

"Tell me, Roxanne. What have you noticed about this kidnapping so far that's a bit off?"

_For one thing, you called me Roxanne again._

"Well, there's no bag."

He leaned himself on the arm rest. "Go on."

"You were facing me this time and…hey, where's Minion?"

She had wondered why it wasn't a robotic hand holding the spray.

"I sent him on a few errands so we could talk in private," Megamind explained.

"Alright, so this isn't entirely cliché," Roxanne admitted. "But I'm still tied up in a chair."

"What can I say? Old habits die hard."

"So what are you going to do now? Call Metro Man and then shoot him with some ray thingy that will eventually blow up in your face?"

He laughed again. "Not this time, Miss Ritchi."

She blinked. "You're _not_ going to call Metro Man?"

"Why would I do that? It would ruin the moment." He scooted his chair back towards her. "You said so yourself that he was the worst part of every kidnapping."

Roxanne's mouth dropped open. "Where did you hear that?"

"Your sister told me."

"Um, what else did she tell you?"

"Only that you're enjoying this."

She gritted her teeth. "Ugh, I'm going to kill Rachel!"

He circled around her again. "Do you really find him a show-off? Is Mr. Perfect really not so perfect as he seems?"

"Since when is he Mr. Perfect?"

_This is better than I'd imagined_, Megamind thought to himself.

"So if you're not going to call Metro Man," Roxanne said, "why the heck am I here?"

He grinned mischievously. "I'm going to give you a choice, Miss Ritchi. We could go through the usual routine, or I could let you go."

She raised an eyebrow. "What's the catch?"

"You have to spend the rest of the day with me. We don't have to stay at the Lair. We could go get a coffee, if you like. Unless, of course, you want to return to that boring party and listen to that braggart."

_Hmm,_ Roxanne thought. _Either go through the same thing we do every week, or go on a date with Megamind. _It didn't seem like a tough decision. Why not? She did want to find out more about him.

"Untie me."

* * *

><p>Rachel rolled her eyes and groaned as Metro Man walked on the fountain water and continued his speech. <em>Who does he think he is? A god?<em>

"The greatest honor you've given me is letting me serve you," the hero said, "the helpless people of Metro City. At the end of every day, well, I've got to ask myself: who would I be without you?"

Some guy called out from the crowd, "I love you, Metro Man!"

"And I love _you_, random citizen!"

"Ugh," Rachel grumbled while everyone else cheered.

Why was she even here anyway? That's right. She had come to support her sister with her news report. However, she couldn't see Roxanne in the massive throng. Then she spotted her camera man, turning his head in all directions, confusion on his face.

"Excuse me, Hal?"

Hal widened his eyes once he saw her. "Um, who are you?"

"I'm Rachel, Roxanne's sister?"

"Roxanne has a sister?"

_Seriously?_

"Oh, right!" Hal recalled. "She said you were staying with her."

"Yeah, fine. Have you seen her anywhere?"

"No. She just went up and disappeared." He grinned at her. "I should've guessed you were Roxanne's sister. I guess good looks run in the family."

Rachel tried not to cringe. "I have a boyfriend."

Hal shrugged. "Huh, my loss."

_Why the heck did I say that?_ It wasn't the truth. Then again, she and Minion had been seeing each other a lot lately. _I can't think of that right now. I have to find Roxanne._

It took all her strength to push through the huddle of screaming fans. All that lay beyond were empty streets. She didn't know where to look, of course, but she had figured Roxanne would never leave her post unless she was being kidnapped. Megamind must've taken her to his Evil Lair.

But that didn't make any sense. Minion said he had called off his Death Ray plan. She considered going back to the museum to see if he was going to send out some kind of message, but she went against it. She wanted to see what was really going on.

She was on her way to where Minion had said the Lair was when a sight across the street had caught her eye. Thinking she might have been mistaken, Rachel took a few steps back and looked again. There in the window of a coffee shop, which was surprisingly not closed for Metro Man Day, was Roxanne, sitting at a table with some intellectual dweeb. No wait. That was Megamind in his disguise!

Rachel ducked behind a bench, which was not the best hiding place. From what she could tell, her sister was smiling and laughing, as was the masked villain. Rachel was confused. She thought they had scratched the disguise idea. Apparently, this wasn't any of hers or Minion's doing. Megamind had done this himself.

She felt she should get in there, tell Roxanne who he really was, but she had never seen her sister so happy before. Even if it was all a lie, she didn't want to ruin it.

"Hey," she heard a whisper.

She turned and saw Minion's blonde disguise kneeling down beside her.

"Any idea what's going on?" she asked him.

Minion squinted at the couple in the coffee shop. "No, actually. I only suggested that sir continue his attempts to impress Roxanne. Then he sent me out to get batteries, but I knew it was only because he wanted privacy."

Rachel nodded. "Hal said Roxanne had just went up and disappeared."

"You don't think…?"

They glanced at each other.

"No," the woman shook her head. "There is no way she would willingly go on a date with Megamind, knowing who he was. It would be marvelous if it was true, but Roxanne would never."

"I don't know. We should follow them and see."

"But if Roxanne catches me spying on her, she'll get really mad!"

"Who says she has to know it's you?"

* * *

><p><strong>I think you can guess where this is going. Review!<strong>


	9. Unpredictable in Every Way

**Warning! Major fluff alert! Sorry, everybody does that. Okay, part of this chapter was inspired by _Aladdin_, and you can proabably see where.**

* * *

><p>Roxanne wiped away a tear as her laughing faded. Megamind could really be funny, even when he wasn't trying to be.<p>

"Oh that was such a fun story!" the disguised villain exclaimed. "And brilliantly told, by the way! Okay, now you tell one."

"Well what can I tell?" she asked.

"Anything about you is interesting enough."

She giggled. "Okay. When my sister was in the middle school play, I helped with the makeup. It was opening night and she was searching the dressing room frantically, crying, 'Where are my clothes?' We all thought she meant her costume, but she said, 'No, I mean my jeans and shirt!' Then we went, 'You mean the ones you're wearing?' Then she looked down at herself and blushed like crazy!"

Megamind chuckled. "That happened to me once. I was searching the entire Evil Lair for my goggles, not realizing that they were right on my face! That explained why everything had looked so dark."

As they continued laughing, a blonde man and a woman with raven hair and bright blue eyes entered the café, eying the couple.

"Are you ready to order?" the waitress asked.

"Oh, right," Roxanne said. "You know, I'm amazed that this place is open."

The waitress winked at them. "My Dad and I run this café and we just didn't feel like taking the day off. So what do you kids want?"

"Hmm, I'll have an espresso and chocolate donut."

"Coffee for me," Megamind said. "Decaf, please."

"Coming right up."

He waited for the waitress to leave before explaining. "Minion is always pestering me about my consumption of caffeine. He gets especially fussy when I mix it with sugar."

"Why, what happens?"

"You know how in some of those annoying cartoons, they have a highly energetic squirrel drink caffeine?"

"Yeah."

"It's just like that."

She snickered at the mental image. When their treats arrived, they continued chatting away and Roxanne found it surprisingly easy to talk to him.

"What should we do now?" she asked him once they had finished.

"The day is yours, so we will do whatever you desire, and run through fire I will for thy sweet sake."

"Oh, now it's _A Midsummer Night's Dream_, is it? In that case, let's go someplace a little more natural, like the park."

They didn't notice that when they asked for the check, the couple on the other side of the room did so as well.

* * *

><p>"Wow," Roxanne gaped in awe at how magnificent the park looked that day. "I've never seen the park look so clean! In fact, there has hardly been an empty soda can in sight."<p>

She glanced at Megamind, who was staring sheepishly at his feet. _Oh, there is no way._

"Did you…?"

He nodded. "You did say this city was a dump after all."

"That's…completely out of character for you."

"Well, that shows you, Miss Ritchi, just how unpredictable I can be."

He had been unpredictable as of late. First there was all the quoting from literature, and then there was kidnapping her just so he could ask her on a date. Was it a date? She really wasn't sure.

"Hey, how about we rent some bikes?" she suggested.

"Um," Megamind stammered, "I've never really ridden a bike before."

Roxanne was surprised. "Never?"

"Well, except for that tricycle I made out of license plates when I was four months old, but that was taken away from me after it blasted through the prison wall."

She tried to suppress a giggle. "Then I guess this would be a good moment to try."

* * *

><p>Minion and Rachel, wearing the disguise of a raven-head, sat on a park bench as they watched Megamind and Roxanne ride their bikes. The disguised villain had training wheels on his, as well as a mirror and light attached to his blue helmet.<p>

"I've never seen sir so happy," Minion observed.

"I haven't seen Roxanne so happy either," said Rachel. "I can't believe she knows it's him, though. I mean I can believe she had figured it out, but not the fact that she's accepting it. I guess they sort of came together on their own."

They had followed them from the coffee shop. Minion had given Rachel his spare disguise generator so they could watch without them noticing.

Rachel continued with her musings. "It's just so romantic, yet totally unbelievable."

Minion smiled in agreement. "What do you think? Should we continue spying on them?"

"No, let's leave the lovebirds to their little date. Besides, I look terrible as a raven!"

* * *

><p>Megamind landed his hover bike on top of the small hill towering over the hidden pier. Roxanne was sitting behind him, her arms wrapped around his waist. He stepped off the vehicle and then assisted his damsel. He then spread out a picnic blanket and opened the box of pizza they had picked up along the way.<p>

They continued with small talk as they munched away at the food. Eventually, they launched into a game of quoting from literature and seeing if the other could guess where it was from.

"Where's this from? 'The raven himself is hoarse, that croaks in the fatal entrance of Duncan under my battlements,'" Roxanne said.

"_Macbeth,_ by Shakespeare!" Megamind cried out. "Okay, my turn. 'I shall take the heart, for brains do not make one happy, and happiness is the best thing in the world.'"

"_The Wizard of Oz_! How about this? 'I never had one hour's happiness in her society, and yet my mind all round the four-and-twenty hours was harping on the happiness of having her with me unto death.'"

"_Great Expectations,_ Charles Dickens! 'Give me a moment, because I like to cry for joy.'"

"_Our Mutual Friend,_ also by Charles Dickens! 'May I ask whether these pleasing attentions proceed from the impulse of the moment, or are the result of a previous study?'"

"That one's from _Pride and Prejudice_!"

"Okay, fine. You've read everything."

They both burst out laughing and lay themselves down on the picnic blanket so they could gaze up at the night sky.

"Actually, that was a question that I really want to ask," Roxanne explained. "Why are you doing all this? Not that I'm complaining. Today's been really nice, but I'm just not sure why you're doing it."

Megamind froze. Should he tell her? No, she would run away. He had to come up with some other excuse.

"Well," he stammered, "since we might end up as in-laws, I figured we should…get to know each other better."

She was still confused. "You mean you think we should be friends?"

"Sure, let's go with that. We don't have to, of course. It might make your boyfriend angry."

Roxanne leaned in closer. "You want to know a secret?"

He turned to face her. "What?"

"Metro Man and I are not a couple. Never have been and never will be."

He sat himself up. "But I thought you two were…"

"I know. Everybody did. It's just…well he's not really my type."

"Really?"

Megamind set himself down and grinned. All these years, he had been kidnapping her because she was supposedly dating Metro Man, and all that time there had been the occasional flirting. Now here she was saying she wasn't Metro Man's girlfriend! That changed everything entirely!

"Okay, now you tell me something," Roxanne said, leaning on her side. "Something you've never told anyone."

He knew he shouldn't. She could possibly spread it on the news, but he felt the strange desire to tell her anything she wished. But what could he tell her? He couldn't tell her the real reason behind this date. Was it a date? So he thought of something else.

"Well," he began, "in shhh…school, none of the other kids really liked me."

Roxanne's smile faded. "Really?"

"Yes. I was always the last one picked for everything."

She should've guessed it. Of course a child with a giant head and blue skin would be teased by the other kids. Was that why he was a villain? Was it because no one would accept him? Roxanne then felt a pang of guilt and sympathy for Megamind.

The alien looked back at her when she suddenly took his hand and gave a small smile.

"Well it's too bad that we didn't go to the same school."

He grinned back at her and was grateful that he wasn't wearing his gloves for once.

"So I guess we're friends, then," Roxanne shrugged.

"My genius and yours are friends," Megamind quoted.

She raised an eyebrow. "Where is that from?"

"I don't remember. It's something from Shakespeare."

She sat up. "Tell me another one."

The alien followed her movement, a dreamy look on his face.

"My eyes have feasted on your beauteous face. You are the rising sun which I adore."

To Roxanne, it sounded like Shakespeare, but she wasn't sure from which play it was from.

"Flatterer," she giggled, inching closer. "Speak low if you speak love."

"Hear my soul speak. Of the very instant that I saw you, did my heart fly at your service."

"Who ever loved that loved not at first sight?"

"Love sought is good, but given unsought is better."

Roxanne said the final line in a whisper. "I would not wish any companion in the world but you."

Every word that escaped their lips was filled with fiery passion and longing. Neither of them knew that the other meant it all. They also didn't notice that they were leaning in as they were reciting these.

Roxanne was the first to realize it and pulled herself away. Megamind glanced down sadly. Who had he been kidding? Of course she was never really going to have feelings for him. Maybe she had given him a chance, but that was all he was getting.

* * *

><p>Rachel stood on the balcony of the apartment and looked out at the city lights below. She was deep in thought. Quitting her job and moving out of Lansing was the smartest thing she had ever done. Unexpected events were happening every day in Metro City. Her sister was becoming more involved with a not so villainous villain and she had a talking fish for a friend.<p>

She was trying to comprehend her relationship with Minion. He was really sweet, gentle and she could talk to him about anything. Also, if he hadn't accidentally kidnapped her several weeks back, she wouldn't have realized just how dull her life before had been.

"Excuse me, miss," said a voice.

Rachel jumped back and let out a shriek. Metro Man was floating in front of her.

"Sorry for scaring you," the hero apologized. "Rachel, right? Is Roxanne at home?"

"Uh, no," Rachel replied, shaking away the shock. "In fact, I'm not sure where she is at the moment."

That was only half true.

"Well, I wanted to ask her something."

She narrowed her eyes. "If you're here to ask her on a date again…"

"Oh no, no! She doesn't want to date me. I perfectly understand that. I just want to know if she has any idea what Megamind's been up to."

Rachel bit her lip, but tried to look innocent. "Why would Roxanne know anything about Blue Boy?"

"She is a smart person. I'd expected Megamind to make an appearance at the grand opening today, but he didn't show. It's kind of suspicious, don't you think?"

"Maybe he's just taking a vacation."

"That's not what I think. I think he's preparing for something big. By the way, out of curiosity, are you single?"

She groaned.

"I'll take that as a no. Let me know if Roxie comes up with anything."

Rachel sighed with relief as he flew away and decided to go inside before any other super beings showed up. Sure enough, as soon as she had left, Megamind landed his hover bike on the balcony. He stepped down and held out his hand for Roxanne.

"Thanks for the day," she said shyly. "I really enjoyed it."

"I did, too," Megamind uttered.

They stood there in awkward silence, until Roxanne did the most unexpected thing. She hugged him. Megamind's green eyes grew to the size of apples. Her action was so abrupt, yet so comforting. Slowly and gently, he put his arms around her and hugged her back.

It took some effort for Roxanne to pull away. Shades of pink filled her cheeks.

"Um," she stuttered, "I guess I'll see you around."

"Yeah, okay," Megamind nodded.

Roxanne slowly walked over to the glass doors, but before she went in, she looked back at the alien and smiled.

"Good night," she whispered.

"Good night, Roxanne."

He sighed as he watched her enter the apartment.

"Yes!" he cried softly, doing a fist pump.

* * *

><p>Roxanne heaved a sigh as she dropped onto the couch Rachel had been hiding behind.<p>

"Where have you been all day?"

The reporter screamed and spun around.

"Rach, don't do that!"

The younger sister chortled as she flopped down beside her.

"I know that look," she teased. "Somebody's been bitten by the Love Bug."

Roxanne looked down at her feet. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Funny, I didn't hear you coming in through the front door. By the way, Metro Man stopped by and was wondering if you knew what was going on with Blue Boy. Any ideas?"

She hesitated. "Why should we worry about what Megamind is planning? Come on, we should be grateful that he left us the day to ourselves."

"Uh huh. So where have you been?"

"Okay, okay. I had a date."

"Seriously? With whom?"

"Um, Bernard. You know that guy I met at the library?"

_At least she's sort of telling the truth._ "Kind of nerdy, don't you think?"

"Rach, really! You of all people should know not to judge a book by its cover! Besides, you also know I've always preferred brains over brawns."

"And I'm sure this Bernard has an awfully _big_ brain."

Roxanne gaped at her. She was about to say something when Rachel chimed, "Well, it's been a long day. Let's get some shut eye!"

* * *

><p>Minion was at his sewing machine when his master came home, his mouth spread into a goofy grin, his eyes half closed.<p>

"Well, you seem to be in a good mood tonight, sir," Minion observed as he passed by.

"Huh?" Megamind said. "Oh, yes!"

"And where have you been, exactly?"

"Aw, Minion, you wouldn't believe it! She's just so…so…perfect! She's like an angel sent from Heaven!"

Minion raised an eyebrow. "Are we talking about Roxanne, sir?"

"Do you know what the best part is, Minion? She's not dating Metro Man! All this time, she hasn't been involved with the hero at all! This changes everything!"

"So I'm guessing your plan went well? What happened, sir?"

"We had such a wonderful time! We talked, we laughed…she has the most beautiful laugh. And she hugged me! Did you hear that? She hugged me!"

Megamind sighed again. "For the first time in my life, things are turning out right. Good night, Minion."

"Good night, sir."

He was glad to see him so happy. Minion rushed to his laptop to find a message from Rachel: _Roxanne's got it bad. How about Blue Boy?_ He typed back: _He's caught hook, line and sinker._

* * *

><p><strong>See why I picked certain Shakespearean quotes? Honestly, I don't know where some of them came from, but they included <em>Much Ado About Nothing, The Tempest, As You Like It <em>and _Twelfth Night_. Review!**


	10. Rachel's Birthday

**This one's short, I know. I've never gotten this many reviews for a story before! I guess I'm making a name for myself on this site!**

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><p>"Yes, Mr. Stubbs," Roxanne said into her cell. "Hal and I will be right there."<p>

She hung up and spoke to her sister who was sitting at the breakfast table. "Janice is out sick and Mr. Stubbs wants me to fill in for her reports. I'm sorry, sis. I don't want to be out working on your special day. I'll tell you what. We can go out for dinner afterwards."

Rachel shrugged. "No biggie. You have your job to do. Thanks for the pancakes, by the way."

"You sure you'll be alright on your own?"

"Roxie, I'm not a kid anymore! Sure, I'll find a way to entertain myself."

She waited for her sister to leave the apartment before moaning. Here she was at twenty-five, jobless and single. She had considered finding a job to help Roxanne pay the rent, but there were no fashion companies in Metro City. Maybe she should work at a dress shop. At least she could use her fashion knowledge there. But it was Sunday, and most of the stores were closed.

The doorbell rang and Rachel got up to answer it. Standing there was Minion in his blonde disguise, holding a cardboard box.

"Happy Birthday!" he chimed as he entered the apartment.

Rachel couldn't contain her joy. "You remembered! What's in the box?"

"It's a little something I made for you."

He had spent all of last night putting the finishing touches on it. When Rachel took the lid off the box, her eyes grew big and her mouth dropped open. Inside was the lime green summer dress with the white sash and thick shoulder straps she had designed when she was ten. She lifted it out of the box in awe. It appeared to be her size.

"Well, what do you think?" Minion asked hopefully.

"Minion," she gasped. "I don't know what to say. This is…this is…the most amazing thing anyone's ever done for me!"

"Go on, try it on!"

She didn't hesitate to rush into the bedroom. Minion sat on the couch and waited patiently. Rachel came out a few minutes later and Minion's jaw dropped. The dress fit her perfectly…and she looked beautiful in it.

"I don't believe it," she marveled. "You must be psychic! I've never even told you my dress size!"

_She likes it! She likes it!_

Rachel smiled widely at the disguised fish. "I love it! Thank you so much, Minion! You really didn't have to."

"Aw, it was nothing," Minion said, rubbing the back of his neck. "You look great."

She blushed red and for a while, neither of them spoke.

"Where's Roxanne?" Minion finally asked.

"She had to go to work today," Rachel sighed. "On the bright side, I'm free until dinnertime."

"That's nice. So…do you want to go somewhere?"

Instead of saying yes, she grinned and said, "Let's get going."

* * *

><p>Roxanne did her best to keep the report interesting. It was about taxes after all. And on jelly beans, of all things. Now she knew why she preferred stories about Metro Man.<p>

When she signaled Hal to cut, he wouldn't respond. She squinted at him and realized he had fallen asleep while standing. She knew it was a boring subject, but really?

"Hal!" she shouted.

The cameraman woke up and she made the slashing motion again. He immediately switched the camera off.

"Sorry about that, Roxie," he apologized. "Your reports are great and all, but I hate it when we're stuck with dull stuff like taxed jelly beans." He put his camera into the back of the news van. "Hey, we have an hour until the next report. Want to grab a bite to eat?"

But when he turned around, Roxanne wasn't there. "Roxanne? Roxaroo?"

* * *

><p>Not only was there no bag, but she wasn't tied either. In fact, she wasn't even in the kidnapping chair. Roxanne was lying on someone's couch. She groaned as she sat herself up.<p>

"Have a nice nap, Roxanne?"

She turned to see Megamind standing over her. Her vision became clearer and she realized she was in some part of the Lair she hadn't been in before. It seemed to be some kind of small living area with a black couch, coffee table and a flat screen TV.

This was the most unusual kidnapping yet, but Roxanne had never felt happier to see the villain.

"Ugh, thanks, actually," she said.

Megamind blinked. "What did you say?"

"Thanks for getting me out of doing another boring report."

"Oh, right. It's just you haven't thanked me for kidnapping you before. I had been watching your reports, which even I have to admit, were boring, so I decided to spare you that boredom. Fortunately, you were close by. Doesn't being kidnapped always give you a good excuse?"

"I'll admit it does. So you want me to play hooky? I'm assuming I have the same choices as yesterday?"

He sat on the couch beside her. "Do you want the usual or something different?"

"Surprise me."

* * *

><p>Minion and Rachel were sitting on a park bench, the latter eating a hotdog.<p>

"Aren't you going to have one?" she asked her companion.

"I can't really eat when I'm in this disguise," he shrugged. "I may look like a human, but when I try putting something in the mouth, the glass just stops it."

"I really don't get how that thing manages to make you look smaller and skinnier."

"Neither do I."

She nearly spat out some of the hotdog as she chuckled. Then she swallowed as she looked around at the park.

"It is so weird," Rachel observed. "Roxie and I used to come here with Mom when we were kids, but it's never looked so green before. Come to think of it, the city looks pretty tidy today."

She glanced at Minion, who was trying to hide his smile.

"No way!" she exclaimed. "But how?"

"Sir and I sort of dehydrated all of the garbage," Minion explained. "It didn't work with the stuff in the lake, so we just destroyed it. The trash didn't seem to make you happy."

Rachel blinked. "You did all that for me?"

He nodded shyly. She took his hand.

"You are the sweetest guy I've ever met."

After she had finished eating, the pair walked along the path.

"I've wanted to ask you something," Minion said. "Why did you quit your job?"

"I told you I didn't like it," Rachel replied. "What's the point of doing something if you don't want to do it?"

She didn't want to mention it was a seafood restaurant she had worked at.

"Besides," the woman shrugged, "keeping my job meant staying in Lansing and away from my sister. And you, of course."

He looked up at her with his autumn brown eyes and smiled. Rachel then stopped walking and turned to face him.

"Minion?"

"Yes?"

She took his hand in hers. "Thanks for mistaking me for Roxanne."

They were already leaning in before they had realized it. Rachel had never been kissed before, so she didn't know it was coming. Then her eyes left Minion's and drifted down toward the lips. They weren't his lips. She looked down at his hands. They weren't his hands. She let go and stepped back before anything else happened.

Reality sunk in as Rachel moved away. Minion knew this wouldn't go anywhere. They could never truly touch, they could never hold hands and they could never even kiss. That's why she had stopped. She knew they could be nothing more than friends.

* * *

><p>The last few times Megamind and Roxanne had been at the pier, they had been spying on Minion and Rachel. Now they were sitting at the same pier the odd couple had been sitting at.<p>

"So you grew up in prison?" Roxanne asked as Megamind told his story.

"It's where my pod had landed," the villain explained.

"That's really sad, what happened to your home planet. I had no idea."

"Frankly, I'm sort of glad it happened. I wouldn't have met you, otherwise."

Roxanne blushed a deep red as she brushed a loose bang out of her face. She had never felt so flattered and nervous before, especially in front of Megamind. She liked the feeling.

"Tell me another one?" she pleaded.

"You want another?" the alien teased.

"Yes, please."

"Alright then, let's see." He pondered for a moment and then took her hand. "Your eyes are as deep as the sea and envy the brightest stars in the sky. I would climb mountains just to see those eyes and every step would be worth the risk."

"I don't think I've heard that one. Who wrote it?"

"I did. Your eyes really are as deep as the sea."

Roxanne was speechless. "That was…that was…beautiful."

Her eyes met his. Megamind could get lost in those lovely blue eyes for hours. It was one of the first things he had noticed about her when he first saw her on television and they still managed to captivate him so.

_You need to tell her,_ he thought. _No, it would ruin everything!_

"Roxanne?"

"Yes?"

Megamind stumbled over his words. "I was wondering. Are you…? That is, do you…?" He sighed. "Are you hungry?"

_Ugh, what is wrong with you?_

"Um, sure," Roxanne shrugged. "Though after that, you should probably drop me home. It's Rachel's birthday today and I promised we'd go out tonight."

"Yeah, okay."

It was then he realized that he had it as bad as Minion.

* * *

><p>When Roxanne came home, she saw her sister lying on the couch and could have sworn she had looked a little sad. Then she noticed the new outfit she was wearing.<p>

"That dress looks familiar," she mused.

"Oh," Rachel said softly. "I bought it today."

"Are you okay, Rach? You don't sound like yourself."

"It's nothing. Let's just get some dinner, okay?"

Something was wrong with her sister, and Roxanne was determined to find out what.


	11. It's Not Going to Go Anywhere

**You guys are all going to hate me for this chapter.**

* * *

><p>His boss stood in front of the mirror, smoothing out his eyebrows and adjusting the collar on his cape. Minion was thrilled to see him so happy now that Roxanne was finally accepting him, but he didn't want to see his best friend heartbroken either. It had been the plan in the beginning to get them together, but what about afterward?<p>

It wouldn't be fair to Roxanne or Rachel. Minion knew that even if Rachel did have feelings for him, he had nothing to offer her but a life as a fugitive. She would never get the dream she had always wanted. As for Roxanne, whom Megamind had been longing for since forever, she would have to give up her successful career as a reporter. Even if his master did resign from being the villain, where would that lead them?

That's why Minion decided to confront his friend and have him face the facts.

"Sir," he said, "we need to talk."

"Can't it wait, Minion?" Megamind said cheerfully. "I'm meeting with Roxanne tonight. The plan is nearly complete, my friend! She's nearly fallen completely for me!"

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about."

"I have no time for this, Minion. She's waiting."

"You do realize that now that you know she's not dating Metro Man, you can't really use her against him, right?"

Megamind paused. Minion then caught a whiff of his cologne. _Oh man, it's worse than I thought._

"Are you wearing Jean-Paul Gauthier's _Pour Homme_?"

"It's just my natural musk," Megamind fibbed. "Now where did you put the car keys?"

He spotted them on a nearby table and was just about to grab them when Minion beat him to it.

"I've been holding out for too long, sir!" the fish said defiantly. "I know the real reason behind this so-called evil plan of yours!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Megamind muttered, turning around nervously.

"Oh, I know, sir! You've fallen in love with her!"

He was about to deny it, but he couldn't. He had fallen in love with Roxanne and could never say otherwise. That was the real reason behind the plan. He had been pouring his heart out to her during the past few days and had fallen more and more in love with her every second they spent together. But he couldn't admit it to his friend that he had gone soft.

"You are forgetting your place, Minion!" Megamind exclaimed. "Now give me the keys!"

But Minion extended his arm, leaving the keys out of reach.

"You know what I think, sir? I think you've been in love with her since day one! This has to stop, sir. She may like you now, but it isn't going to go anywhere."

Megamind scowled. "Oh, _you're_ the one to talk!"

Minion's mouth dropped open in disbelief.

"That's right, Minion. I know all about you and Roxanne's sister. I saw you on that date with her! You think _I'm_ being foolish? You and Rachel can't hold hands, you can't kiss, you can't even…"

"I _know_, sir!" the fish snapped. "That's why this has all gone far enough!"

"Stop mothering me and give me the keys, Minion!"

He raced to where the keys were hanging, but Minion quickly retracted his arm. Megamind chased him around the invisible car. They ended up on either side.

"Sir, it's for your own good!" Minion shouted.

"Well what do you know?" Megamind yelled.

"I may not know much, but I do know from experience! The bad guy doesn't get the girl!"

"Maybe I don't want to be the bad guy anymore!"

Minion let out a shriek. He had been hoping this would be coming, but he had never expected to hear the sentence from his master's mouth. Meanwhile, Megamind was glancing sideways, processing what he had just said.

"You heard me!" he added defiantly.

The fish let out a sigh and his arms plopped down to his sides. He was going to regret this.

"Sir, I know this isn't easy to hear and it's really hard for me to say, but we both have to face reality. Maybe Roxanne will be with you and you'll give up this charade, but what then? We still have criminal records and we'd still be at large, whether we quit or not. It wouldn't be fair to the girls. Do you want Roxanne to give up her career? Do you want her to live the rest of her life in hiding?"

Megamind considered this. He didn't want _any_ of that for Roxanne.

"Look," his friend said, handing him the keys, "you do what you have to do."

* * *

><p>As Megamind walked further down the path toward the pier, the image of Roxanne came into view. Suddenly, everything in the world seemed brighter, yet his heart grew heavier. When she saw him, her smile glinted in the moonlight.<p>

"Hey," she greeted.

"Hey," he replied, setting himself down beside her.

"How's Minion doing?"

"Oh, he's fine."

"I'm a little worried. When I came home yesterday, Rachel didn't seem like herself. You don't think he said something to upset her, do you?"

"He must have. It's not like it was going to go anywhere."

Roxanne studied his face. There was sadness in his eyes.

"Is something wrong?" she questioned.

Megamind knew what he had to do. Minion was right. He had read all those books. Did Paris get Helen of Troy? Did the Phantom of the Opera get Christine? Did Quasimodo get Esmeralda? They all had the same answer.

Even if Roxanne did feel the way he was feeling about her now, he couldn't ask her to leave everything she had worked for behind. He would slave for her night and day if it made her happy, but she wasn't going to find that happiness with him.

He gazed at his reflection in the water. How could Roxanne ever love this thing? Not only was he hideous, but he was evil. He had done many regrettable things in the past, like what he was about to do now. Roxanne was beautiful on the inside and outside. She was, in his opinion, the most perfect creature to grace the planet. She deserved better.

But how was he going to say this? He couldn't tell her that he loved her. She would scream and run. Then how would he explain why he had started all of this in the first place?

"Megamind?"

He heaved a sigh. "Roxanne, this has to stop."

She blinked in confusion. "What?"

"This…us…seeing each other. It has to stop."

"What do you mean? You're the one who started this."

"I know, and thank you for taking the chance to get to know me, but…I'm done. We're both done, Minion and I. We're done with this ridiculous game we've been playing all our lives. It's over. We quit."

Roxanne wasn't sure what to say to that. "You're quitting being a super villain? What are you going to do?"

He scowled, trying to hide his pain. "Minion and I are just going to disappear. It'll be like we never existed. We'll never trouble you or your sister again, Miss Ritchi."

Megamind stood up and headed back down the path. Roxanne couldn't fight the compulsion to run to his side and grab his arm. He was shocked that she had followed, but he wrenched his arm away. She didn't give up that easily and so snatched his arm again and looked at him with pleading eyes.

"Don't go," she demanded softly. "I don't know what's bothering you, but I don't want you to leave! So you don't want to be the villain anymore. That doesn't mean you have nothing left to live for! You can lead a different life, you and Minion. You can even be heroes, if you want! And…I can help you."

"You don't get it, do you?" he asked, pushing her away and almost screaming at her. "I'm the bad guy! I don't get a happy ending like those heroes in books! I don't save the day, I don't fly off into the sunset and I don't get the girl."

Roxanne took a step back as the last words rolled off his tongue. Was that what he had been after the past few days? Megamind sighed again and looked down at his feet.

"I was a fool to think I could change that," he muttered.

"Megamind," Roxanne started to say.

He turned his back to her, forbidding her from responding. "I'm going home."

She just stood there and watched him go. At that moment, she didn't see the villain who had been kidnapping her for years. She saw a broken man, who wanted nothing more than the love of another. She could feel her heart shattering inside her chest.

She wanted to catch him again, to tell him how much she really cared about him, but her conscience prevented her. _Let him go_, it said. _It's what he wants._

"No," Roxanne said aloud. "It's not what he wants."

Her feet finally picked up as she charged after him.

"Megamind!" she cried.

But he was gone. He had most likely returned to his Lair, but Roxanne didn't know where it was. He had blindfolded her every time they had left that place. That was it. He was gone and he was never coming back.

* * *

><p>"Roxie, what happened?" Rachel asked as she let her broken sister into the apartment. "You look like you found a dime and lost a dollar."<p>

Roxanne said nothing as she sat on the couch. Rachel went over to hug her. She was shocked as her fearless, older sister started sobbing. Roxanne never cried.

"Roxie?" Rachel said again. "Please tell me you're not crying! Now I know something's wrong."

"Rachie," Roxanne sniffed, "have you ever felt like you've misjudged someone?"

"Sometimes, I guess. What happened? Tell me!"

"Oh Rach, I've been such an idiot! All this time, I've been telling myself he was a villain who didn't have any feelings whatsoever, but I've been so wrong on so many levels! Now it's because of me that he's losing the will to live!"

"Wait a second. Who are we talking about here?"

"Who do you think? Megamind!"

Roxanne then looked down at her feet and sighed. "I can't hide the truth from you anymore. The past few days, Megamind and I have been…seeing each other."

Rachel nodded. "I know."

The older sister looked up at her in astonishment. "You know?"

"It's been our plan. We didn't think it would turn out like this, though. By the way, Minion and I have been sort of seeing each other, too."

"I know, sis."

Now it was Rachel's turn to be surprised. "You knew all this time and didn't say anything?"

"I didn't want to spoil your happiness. Now I think I may have ruined both of ours."

"What are you talking about? What did Blue Boy do?"

"He's giving up, sis. He doesn't want to be the villain anymore."

"That's great!"

"No, it's not great. I mean it is, but you see, he's never coming back."

Rachel blinked. "What do you mean?"

"He said he and Minion are going to disappear and it'll be like they never existed. I'm so sorry, sis."

She stared at her in disbelief. "No, this can't be right! It can't end like this!"

Rachel grabbed her laptop in front of her. She opened it and started typing: _Roxanne says Blue Boy dumped her. Tell me it's not true._ No response for several minutes. _Minion, are you there?_ Nothing.

Tears welled up in her eyes. He couldn't be gone. Why would he be gone? Then she thought of her reaction in the park the other day. He thought she didn't want him. She typed another message in desperation: _I don't care how different we are! I want to be with you, Minion! And tell Blue Boy, Roxanne doesn't care either! You guys can't just leave! Please, Minion! I care about you a lot. Please don't go._

She waited for what seemed like half an hour, but still nothing. It was Rachel's turn to cry into her sister's shoulder.


	12. Another Unexpected Turn of Events

**Another short one, but important! This is where things get a bit dramatic and more angst. I hope you don't hate me for this chapter too.**

* * *

><p>"Sir, what happened?" Minion called as his boss got out of the invisible car, looking like he had been crushed.<p>

"We're done, Minion," Megamind muttered. "Finished."

The fish was confused. "What did you tell her?"

"It doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore, Minion."

"Sir, would you stop mumbling for a moment and tell me what's going on?"

Megamind looked up at his friend, the pain clear on his face.

"You were right, Minion," he said. "I was…less right."

"What happened?" Minion asked again. "Did she dump you, sir?"

"No, it was the other way around."

His autumn brown eyes widened. "Sir, you didn't!"

"You said I should call it off."

"I know but…I…"

There was no use arguing. This was his fault. He had ruined his friend's happiness just because he couldn't have his own happiness. How could he have been so selfish?

"So what are we going to do, sir?" Minion inquired.

Megamind sighed. "Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"You heard me. We're just going to sit in the dark and do nothing. If we're lucky, Fate will spare us the suffering and cause the walls to come crashing down on us."

He then left for his room without saying anything further. Minion didn't know what to do. Roxanne was probably at this moment crying her eyes out with only her sister to comfort her. The thought of Rachel caused his blood to run cold, not just because he was cold-blooded. What was she thinking right now?

He hurried to his computer where a couple of messages were left: _Roxanne says Blue Boy dumped her. Tell me it's not true._ This was followed by: _Minion, are you there?_

He wanted to reply, to explain everything, but what could he say? He was the cause of all of this. He couldn't face Rachel now. A few seconds later, another message appeared which only made Minion's heart ache even more.

_I don't care how different we are! I want to be with you, Minion! And tell Blue Boy Roxanne doesn't care either! You guys can't just leave! Please, Minion! I care about you a lot. Please don't go._

Minion continued to stare at the screen. What had he done? He had made a horrible mistake, but he couldn't explain to Rachel. She would never forgive him.

* * *

><p>Rachel gazed at her empty inbox the next morning.<p>

"Anything?" Roxanne asked hopefully.

She just shook her head. Her older sister had called in sick. They both needed each other at the moment.

"Tell me what happened between you and Minion," Roxanne quietly demanded.

"I'm not sure," Rachel shrugged. "We were in the park the other day. He was in a human disguise. We were holding hands and…we almost kissed. I stopped myself, because I realized they weren't his lips I was about to kiss and they weren't his hands I was holding. I think Minion may have taken it the wrong way. Roxie, I can be so cruel sometimes!"

The eldest put an arm around her as she sobbed. "We were both cruel, Rach. Ugh, I hate myself for not getting to know him earlier! You know he quotes Shakespeare? He's also sweet, caring and funny."

Rachel couldn't help but smirk. "I told you he wasn't that bad."

"And you were right. I have to talk to him, Rach, but I don't know how to find him."

"Did he say where he was going?"

"Just that he was going home. I think he meant the Evil Lair, but I don't know where that is either."

Rachel's smirk turned into a grin. "I do."

Roxanne looked at her in disbelief. "You do?"

The youngest nodded. "Minion and I had originally planned to convince you to sneak into the Lair in order to get the chemistry going between you and Blue Boy. You kids seemed to have other ideas. But never mind that. Let's get changed and get over there, shall we?"

* * *

><p>Minion felt immediate guilt as he passed his master, who was sitting on the floor reading from his tragedy pile. He was reading at a regular pace, which was slow for Megamind. Minion squinted at the title and realized that he was on <em>The Phantom of the Opera<em>. The fish had never read it himself, but he had seen the movie.

"I feel for the Phantom, Minion," Megamind uttered sadly. "He goes out of his way to please the girl of his dreams, but he knows deep down that he could never have her. However, I prefer how they ended it in the musical version. It makes a lot more sense."

Minion only nodded. _I've broken him._ At least he wasn't cutting himself. Then things would become really serious.

The fish tried to push these thoughts aside and decided to watch the monitors. He froze when on the screen showing the outside of the Lair were two familiar faces. One face caught his eye in particular. What was Rachel doing here? With Roxanne, nonetheless?

"I should've guessed," Roxanne said, crossing her arms. "It's the only building in Metro City with a fake observatory on the roof."

"Are you ready?" Rachel asked her sister.

"I don't know. What should I say to him?"

"Tell him how you feel, for starters. You find Blue Boy while I find Minion."

Minion smiled big. Rachel was here to see him! Then he frowned again. How was he going to explain things to her?

The beautiful woman on screen was searching around the Lair. "Now we have to figure out how to get in." Then she noticed the doormat labeled: _Secret Entrance._ "Okay, Minion said he would make it obvious, but I didn't think it would be _that_ obvious."

The two sisters stepped through the holographic wall. Minion giggled as he heard Rachel shout, "Cool!"

* * *

><p>The Ritchi sisters glanced around cautiously as they entered the Evil Lair.<p>

"This is bigger than the last one," Rachel observed. "How are we going to find them in all of this?"

"We'll just have to split up," Roxanne concluded. "If any of us sees either of them, we'll give some sort of signal."

"Like this?"

She made a crowing sound. The eldest silenced her and shook her head.

"A simple 'here they are' would suffice."

Rachel nodded in agreement as they went in two different directions.

"Minion?" the youngest Ritchi called softly. "Minion? Min…YAH!"

A swarm of Brainbots snatched her from behind, mistaking her for an intruder. Hearing her sister's cry, Roxanne grabbed the nearest weapon she could find, which happened to be a strange-looking yellow gun. She wasn't the only one to hear the distress call.

"Rachel!" Minion shouted, running in the direction of her screaming.

Megamind looked up from his book. "Minion, what is that racket?"

He charged over to where he had heard the noise when he suddenly bumped into someone. Roxanne's finger pressed down on the trigger of the gun as she collided into Megamind, releasing a glowing yellow bullet. The pair fell on top of each other and their eyes met. Megamind was surprised to see her here, but once he noticed which gun she had set off, he pulled her closer to the ground.

The bullet bounced off the walls in all directions. Meanwhile, Rachel was attempting to wriggle out of the Brainbots' grasp.

"Let go of me!" she commanded. "I'm here to see…"

Her sentence was cut short as the yellow bullet entered her open mouth and down her throat. The Brainbots let go and Rachel crashed into a shelf, causing several tiny evil inventions to fall down upon her. When Minion finally arrived there, he saw the love of his life lying nearly motionless on the floor, covered in broken machinery and coughing.

"No, no, no!" he cried, rushing to her side.

"Minion?" Rachel choked.

He knelt down, brushed the debris off and gently took her in his arms. The woman's eyes were barely open, her hands at her throat as she struggled to breathe.

Megamind and Roxanne were still crouched on the floor when they heard the crash.

"What was that thing?" the reporter asked.

She didn't wait for an answer. Instead, she got up and raced over to the source of the noise. Megamind followed. They found Minion cradling Rachel's limp figure as she continued to hack and wheeze.

"Rachel!" Roxanne cried, kneeling down to her sister. She glanced back at Megamind. "What's happened to her?"

The blue alien's face appeared to turn pale as he spoke, "Minion, where did it hit her?"

The fish looked up at him with frightened eyes. "I think she swallowed it, sir."

"Oh no, this is not good. Roxanne, hand me the gun!"

She obeyed and Megamind attempted to change the setting. He let out a groan as it read:_ Warming Up._

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me!"

Rachel's coughs grew louder.

"Sir, you have to do something!" Minion pleaded desperately. "She could die!"

"I'm aware of that, Minion!"

"Megamind, what's wrong with her?" Roxanne demanded.

"I'll explain later. Minion, get her to my room!"

The fish didn't hesitate. Megamind looked back at the reporter, signaling her to follow. Not only was Rachel the sister of the woman he loved, but also the person his best friend cared about more than anything else in the world. Under no circumstances was he going to let her die.

* * *

><p><strong>None of you were expecting that, huh? What's going to happen now? Is Rachel going to get Metro Man's powers?<strong>


	13. Infused

**Critisize me all you want, I'm not changing my plan for the rest of this story!**

* * *

><p>The three of them stood over the bed as Rachel continued to cough. She had received some bruises from the fall, so Megamind ordered the Brainbots to get her some icepacks, but they wouldn't use them yet. They had to stop the choking first before tending to the minor injuries.<p>

"Sir, her coughing is getting worse!" Minion exclaimed. "Has the Defuser Gun warmed up yet?"

The alien checked. "Not yet, Minion. Why do you have to make everything warm up before working?"

"Hey, it's not my fault! You're the one who built the gun!"

"Why not try the Heimlich maneuver?" Roxanne suggested.

Megamind was about to protest, but Minion was already lifting Rachel up and pressing down on her stomach. It only wheezed the breath out of her. The fish put her down before he could hurt her any further.

"It's not that simple," Megamind explained. "As soon as the capsule enters the body, it breaks apart and does its work."

"Megamind, what does the gun do?" Roxanne asked again.

"I had managed to obtain some of Metro Man's DNA from a cape he had torn off during one of my evil plots. I extracted his powers from it and loaded it into this gun. I was hoping to zap someone I could use against Metro Man, but I figured that someone with his powers would be too powerful to control."

"So Rachel's going to get Metro Man's powers?"

"I'm not sure. You see it was supposed to be infused through the nostrils, but it went down her throat instead. The substance could be dangerous if digested."

Roxanne and Minion gulped simultaneously. "You mean it could kill her?"

The alien nodded. "It could, possibly worse."

"What could be worse?"

"It might blow her up on the inside."

She scowled and slapped him on the back of the head.

"Ouch!" he cried out. "What was that for?"

"A great many things," the reporter grunted.

"Sir, Rachel!" Minion reminded him.

It was then that the woman stopped coughing and slipped into an unconscious state. Minion and Roxanne became even more worried. Megamind took the patient's wrist.

"She still has a pulse," he confirmed, "and she's breathing steadily."

"But is she going to be alright?" Minion asked hopefully.

Megamind checked the gun and smiled when it read: _Defuse_. He gently placed the nozzle up Rachel's nose and pulled the trigger, but nothing happened.

"Tip her head back, Minion," he ordered.

Minion obeyed and Rachel's mouth fell open. Megamind tried chucking the gun down her throat, but he went too far and only caused more coughing.

"Sir, you're choking her!" Minion cried, pushing the gun away.

"I don't understand," the blue alien said, shaking the invention. "It won't defuse!"

"Why won't it work?"

"Ugh, it's because she swallowed the capsule when it was supposed to go up her nose!"

The fish narrowed his eyes. "You think Rachel _wanted_ to swallow it?"

Megamind let out a shriek as Roxanne hit him on the back of the head again.

"This is all your fault!" she scolded him.

His mouth dropped open. "My fault?"

"Yes! Your invention nearly killed my sister!"

"Excuse me? Do you think I was planning to shoot your sister? You're the one who set it off!"

"You bumped into me!"

"Oh yes, but you're the one who picked up the gun!"

"You were the one who invented it! If you thought it was so dangerous, why didn't you just destroy it instead of leaving it lying around?"

"I…that is…you shouldn't have snuck into my Lair!"

"We wouldn't have snuck in if you boys hadn't dumped us!"

The alien's eyes widened. "Dumped you? _Dumped_ you? Let me make one thing clear, Miss Ritchi. I couldn't have dumped you if we were never dating in the first place!"

"Then what have we been doing?"

"We were…that is…you…me…"

Minion couldn't take it anymore and stood up. "Sir, just tell her already!"

"Tell me what?" Roxanne questioned, folding her arms.

"Don't listen to him!" Megamind protested. "He's crazy!

"You tell her right now, sir!" the fish said again. "Tell her, or I'll do it for you!"

Megamind narrowed his eyes. "You wouldn't."

Minion gave a smug look. "I would."

"Don't you dare, Minion!"

"Roxanne…"

"I'm losing my patience!"

"Sir is…"

"Stop it!"

"In l…"

Megamind screamed as he leaped over the bed and tackled his friend. The two struggled on the ground as they attempted to strangle each other. Roxanne took immediate action and pushed to break them apart.

"Boys, stop this!" she shouted. "Look at us! We're behaving like children when my sister's knocked cold!"

The aliens stared at each other.

"She's right, sir," Minion said. "We have to be serious in this situation. Rachel's life is more important."

"Yes, Minion," Megamind agreed, smoothing out his cape. "We must be serious."

"Um, guys?" Roxanne stammered. "Is that supposed to happen?"

They turned to look at Rachel, her body illuminated with a strange yellow light.

"The capsule," Megamind gasped. "I think it's working!"

"Is that good or bad?" the reporter asked worriedly.

"It means that your sister won't die, that's for sure!"

The three watched in anticipation as the light became brighter. Megamind bit his lip with excitement as the other two gaped in amazement. Suddenly the light vanished and Rachel's eyes popped open. Minion was immediately at her side.

"Rachel, are you alright?" he pleaded.

She blinked as his adorable face came into focus. "Minion? I'm fine, I guess. What happened?" Her hands flew up to her eyes. "Ow, why do my eyes hurt?"

"Rach, do you remember anything?" her sister asked, taking her hand.

"It's kind of fuzzy. The last thing I remember is swallowing some glowing yellow thing and not being able to breathe and then falling down. I thought I was a goner and then…Minion." She glanced up at the fish. "You were there, holding me."

Minion started blushing like crazy. Rachel then noticed Megamind's giddy look and her sister's confused expression.

"What's everybody staring at me for?" she inquired.

"She doesn't look any different," Roxanne whispered to Megamind.

"Looks can be deceiving," the alien pointed out.

He started feeling up and down Rachel's arm. She pulled it away in shock.

"Whoa, hands off, buddy!"

"Roxanne," he said, "feel her arm."

The reporter did so and her eyes widened. Out of curiosity, Rachel decided to check her arm herself. Her muscles felt bigger, though the change wasn't visible through her shirt.

"That's weird," she said. "I don't remember working out."

"I wonder," Megamind thought aloud.

Without warning, he reached for the lamp on his bedside table and threw it at the woman. There was a crack and Roxanne and Minion screamed.

"Megamind, are you crazy?"

"Yes," the villain said. "But look!"

They looked and gawked. Rachel's arm was blocking her face and the lamp had been smashed to debris. The woman opened one eye and stared at the mess she had created.

"How the heck did I do that?" she wondered aloud.

Megamind clapped his hands excitedly. "Oh, this is good! Let's see what else you can do, Miss Ritchi."

He left for a moment and came back with a stack of cards. He held one up, the back facing Rachel.

"What's on this card, Miss Ritchi?"

The woman simply stared at him. "You have got to be kidding me."

"Just cooperate and tell me what you see."

Rachel leaned forward and settled her head on her hand. She continued staring, but then squinted at the card.

"Circle?" she said with incredulity

Megamind's grin grew wider as he picked up more cards.

"Square? Triangle? A couple of wavy lines? Diamond?" She suddenly covered her eyes. "Ouch, what is up with these eyes?"

When she opened them again, a red laser beam shot out of them and melted the card Megamind had been holding. Everyone else gasped, but the blue alien just smiled again.

"She got all of them right!" he exclaimed. "One more thing to try."

He took out his Dehydration Gun and fired. Rachel yelped and moved her head out of the way in a split second. A chunk of the wall behind her was transformed into a blue cube.

"Nicely dodged, Miss Ritchi," Megamind complimented. "But could you stay still this time? I swear this won't hurt a bit."

Rachel gulped as he zapped again. She could feel the blue energy envelope around her, but nothing happened. Megamind clapped his hands together and applauded.

"Oh, bravo, Miss Ritchi!" he congratulated her and then turned to Minion. "She has his strength, his invulnerability, his x-ray vision, his lasers… It actually worked! She's not as muscular as I thought she'd be, but it worked! I'm a genius!"

Minion examined the areas where Rachel's bruises had been, but there were none.

"Sir, her bruises are gone!"

"But why do her eyes hurt?" Roxanne inquired.

"It's probably a side-effect from having the capsule chucked down her throat," Megamind said, stroking his chin in thought.

"Will somebody please tell me what's going on here?" Rachel demanded.

"Heh," Minion chuckled a bit. "Rachel, I don't know how to tell you this, but…"

Roxanne interrupted him. "You got zapped by one of Megamind's inventions and now you have Metro Man's powers."

Rachel's eyebrows shot up. "Come again?"

"Yes, Miss Ritchi!" Megamind said, pointing a dramatic finger in the air. "You possess the same powers as Metro Man, which now makes you the most powerful woman in the universe!"

She blinked, trying to process this. Then she put on her usual grin.

"No freaking way!"

"Before we go any further with this," Minion said, "there's something I want to know. Rachel, why the heck did you two sneak into the Lair? You could've died from that gun! I was worried about you!"

Rachel couldn't believe her ears. "You were worried about me?"

"Of course I was! What were you thinking?"

"I just wanted to see you."

Minion's anger faded and was transformed into astonishment. "You wanted to see _me_?"

"Of course! You wouldn't respond to my emails and Roxanne said you had both chosen to disappear! Minion, there's something I've wanted to tell you and I had to say it to your face."

She took his metal hand and gazed deeply into his autumn brown eyes. "That other day at the park, when I stopped, it wasn't because I didn't want to. It was because you were in disguise. I stopped because it was your hands I wanted to hold and it was your face I wanted to see. I don't want a hologram, Minion. I want you."

Minion looked like he was either going to faint or leap for joy. "Really?"

Rachel nodded and smiled warmly.

"Why?"

Then she rolled her eyes. "Because I'm crazy for you, you silly fish!"

Normally, in moments like this, the woman would kiss him passionately, but under the circumstances, she simply flung her arms around his robotic body in a sweet embrace. It took a few moments for his metal arms to respond and hug her back. Roxanne sighed at seeing her sister happy again at last.

"You're not freaked out by this, are you?" Minion asked the reporter, noticing her expression.

"She's known," Rachel whispered.

He still had trouble understanding this.

"By the way," his new girlfriend said, "about these powers, can I fly too?"

Sure enough, she floated off the bed. Laughing, she did a few spins around the room. Minion smiled with pride. _Gosh, she's amazing._

"This is awesome! Ooh, I've always wanted to try this!"

She sat back down cross-legged and held her hands out in a guru position. She let out a hum and lifted herself into the air. Megamind clapped again. Rachel floated down and everyone looked at him strangely.

"Glad it's sorted out between the two of you," he said. "I'll admit I find it a bit odd, but congratulations anyway! Hmm, I never thought I'd have to add a woman to my team, but with you on our side, Miss Ritchi, we can finally rid the world of Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes!"

"Excuse me?" Rachel questioned.

"Sir, you can't possibly!" Minion exclaimed.

"She has Metro Man's powers, Minion! She's the only one who can possibly injure him, or even better, destroy him!"

"Oh no you don't!" Roxanne shouted, poking him in the chest. "You are _not_ using my sister in your plot to destroy Metro Man!"

Megamind scowled. "She's romantically involved with my Minion. What do you expect me to do with her?"

"What's the matter with you? I thought you said you didn't want to be the villain anymore!"

"I don't! But I can't stay in hiding or change my ways as long as Metro Man is alive!"

"Well, fine! Continue scheming for all I care, but you are not turning my little sister into a killing machine! In fact, I'm not even letting her keep these powers! Change her back now!"

"I can't! Because you shot the capsule down her throat, instead of up her nose, I can't retrieve it!"

"Then forget the stupid gun and think of some other way!"

Rachel crossed her arms. "Hey, don't I get any say in this?"

"No!" the pair shouted at the same time.

"She is not keeping these powers!" Roxanne said again.

"Who are you to tell me what to do?" Megamind demanded angrily. "You're just a stupid, crabby, nosey human reporter!"

Hurt welled up in Roxanne's face. The alien deflated. What was he doing? He had never raised his voice at her like that before, nor had he ever said anything so cruel.

"Roxanne," he said softly, "I didn't mean…"

She held her hand up. "I don't want to hear it."

He felt a pain of guilt at the broken tone of her voice. He watched as she stormed out of the room.

"Roxanne!" Megamind called desperately, chasing after her. "I didn't mean it! I didn't mean _any_ of it!"

She spun around as he grabbed her shoulder.

"Why don't you just leave me alone?" she spat at him angrily. "You think you can do whatever you like, huh? First you kidnap me on countless occasions, then you actually get me to care about you only so you can break my heart afterwards, then you infuse my sister with super powers and then decide to use her against Metro Man! Why are you so…so…_evil_?"

Every word that escaped from her lips pierced his heart like a sword, the last one especially. She had called him evil several times, but never before had she said it so furiously.

"I never meant to hurt you, Roxanne," he muttered, looking up at her with pleading eyes.

Roxanne could barely focus with the look he gave her. It was filled with pain and sadness. She could hardly believe that someone so evil could nail a look like that. But she shook her head.

"Well, you have!" she snapped.

As they had been arguing, Rachel and Minion had stepped out of the bedroom. The latter had his hands on his hips.

"That's it, sir!" he shouted.

Megamind turned to him. "Minion, stay out of this!"

"No, sir. Not this time. For years I've been putting up with your evil plans and you blaming me for everything I do! But you know what? I never said anything, but I'll be silent no more! I've had it with your plotting and scheming! When are you going to realize that there are more important things? My soul purpose in life may be to look after you, but since I apparently make a mess of everything, you don't need me for that!"

His boss looked at him in shock. "What are you saying, Minion?"

"Let me make it clear. Code: You Don't Need Me!"

"Oh? Well, you know what? Code: I Don't Care!"

Minion went off to the side and grabbed a can of fish flakes and chucked it into a tin lunch box. He continued to shout at his former master.

"Code: I'm Just Going to Pack My Thing and Go!"

Megamind crossed his arms. "Code: Fine!"

"Code: Fine Back!"

He was about to get on some sort of scooter when Rachel cried out, "Minion, wait! I'm coming with you!"

Roxanne gasped and grabbed her sister's arm. "Rachel, what do you think you're doing?"

Rachel wrenched her arm away with ease and stuck out her chest. "I'm following my heart. But you wouldn't know anything about that, would you, sis?"

"Rach, this is crazy! You have no place to go!"

"Minion and I will figure it out."

"No, I won't allow it!"

"Roxie, I'm putting my foot down!" As she did, the whole Lair shook. "I am not a little girl anymore and you are not Mom! You can't make decisions for me! I'm twenty-five years old now! And hey, guess what? I've got super powers! Minion and I will be fine without you. Both of you!"

She proudly took her beau's hand. "Just because you're too stupid to realize what you want, sis, doesn't mean you can take away what I want! Minion and I don't need either of you!"

Using her newfound strength, she lifted Minion into the air.

"Well, who needs you, then?" Megamind called. "Good luck in your lives together!"

"We will!" Minion exclaimed.

"That doesn't even make any sense!" Roxanne argued.

"We know!" Rachel finished.

And the two of them flew out of sight, leaving the remaining pair to sulk. Megamind scowled at the reporter.

"Now look what you've done!"

Roxanne gaped. "What _I've_ done? Don't you dare try and make this my fault again!"

"Oh, but it is! If you hadn't given Minion your sister's email address, he wouldn't have fallen for her!"

"I never wanted my little sister to be a part of any of this! If you hadn't kidnapped Rachel, they wouldn't have met in the first place!"

"That was Minion's doing! Besides, you were the one who encouraged their relationship instead of stopping it!"

"Maybe you shouldn't have announced that you were going to use Rachel as a pawn!"

"I wouldn't have gotten that idea if you hadn't infused her with Metro Man's powers!"

"That wouldn't have happened if you hadn't built that gun!"

"And we're back to this again!"

Roxanne clenched her fists. "They wouldn't have gotten mad if you had treated Minion better!"

"Oh ho, Miss Ritchi, need I remind you that I'm not the only one they're angry at?"

"So it's Miss Ritchi this time, huh?"

"You bet!" Megamind then smirked and slowly turned away. "You can also bet that your sister wouldn't have run off if you hadn't acted like a mother to her."

She gritted her teeth. "Oh, you so did not just go there."

"I so did."

"Well, if I seem to cause so much trouble, then I'll just leave!"

He still had his back to her. "Fine, go then! See if I care!"

"Goodbye, Megamind!"

"Goodbye, Miss Ritchi! And good riddance!"

She turned back, her eyes glaring. "I never want to see you again."

He listened as her footsteps faded away and the front door slammed behind her. Megamind's shoulders slumped as he realized what he had done. He had lost his best friend and the girl of his dreams all in less than an hour. This was the fate of every villain, to be alone.


	14. They Need Each Other

**Wow, I've never gotten this many reviews before! Don't worry, things start to get better here.**

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><p>Roxanne sat alone in her apartment, a box of chocolates open on her lap as she watched the movie version of <em>Much Ado About Nothing<em> with Emma Thompson. It was only now that she realized how similar the play was to her life. Rachel was Hero, who fell in love with Claudio, clearly Minion, who was a friend of Benedick who often bantered with Beatrice, like Megamind and Roxanne had in the past.

She used to laugh at how ridiculous the two Shakespearean characters were not to realize that they were in love with each other. That's why their friends had to make it happen. Despite how many times Benedick and Beatrice had denied it, their plan had succeeded.

There were a few differences, but one was major. In the play, Hero and Claudio didn't run away together, leaving Beatrice and Benedick to suffer in their loneliness. That's because it was a romantic comedy and not real life.

She thought he had changed, that there was more to him than the villain he showed himself to be. But that had all been an illusion. She was stupid to think that Megamind could actually be a normal human being on the inside. Even after those wonderful times they had spent together, he still only cared about his ambition to destroy Metro Man and take over the city. Based on what he had said, it was clear that she meant nothing to him.

Roxanne hated herself for calling in sick, yet again. She shouldn't be secluding herself in front of a television set. She should talk to someone.

But who could she talk to? The only ones who knew about this situation were gone. Rachel had somehow snuck in with her new super powers and had retrieved most of her belongings, clothes in particular. If only she were here. She would know what to do.

But her sister wasn't here to comfort her and Roxanne knew the reason why.

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><p>Several miles away, in a shabby room that was barely big enough to hold a bed and a television sat Rachel and Minion. It was the cheapest room they could find, but Rachel said it was better than living with her crabby sister, even if the walls were peeling apart. She noticed her boyfriend had been sketching something in a notebook.<p>

"What's that?" she asked him.

"Oh, um," Minion stammered. "I thought since you have these powers and all, maybe…"

He showed her the drawing of her wearing a red suit with a yellow cape and boots and utility belt to match.

"Oh no," Rachel giggled, shaking her head. "I'm _not_ wearing that! It looks great, but red and yellow aren't exactly me."

"You sure?" Minion said, looking at the sketch again. "I think it suits you."

"Besides, I don't think becoming a super hero in a city that already has one is a good idea. Metro Man might see me as competition, or worse, a possible sidekick and or girlfriend."

They both shuddered at the idea.

"How are they doing?" Minion asked.

Rachel leaned forward, activating her super vision to check in on the broken couple they had left behind.

"Not so good," she replied. "Blue Boy's reading a bunch of romantic tragedies. Wow, that's a big pile of books! Roxanne is...oh, eating chocolates and watching that film with Emma Thompson. This is the third day in a row she hasn't gone to work! Seriously, Roxie, you're being pathetic! Oh. She just threw the empty chocolate box at the screen."

She switched to normal vision and turned back to her boyfriend. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, Minion. They're practically killing themselves!"

"I know," the fish sighed. "Even though sir may have been my boss, I'm also the only friend he's ever had."

"We've been selfish, Minion. Here we are, sitting and doing nothing in a beat-up room when the people we care about need us the most."

"More importantly, they need each other."

"Exactly. We've made a huge mistake. We've got to make things right."

"How? Sir's just given up and it seems like Roxanne's done the same. We've tried getting them together before, Rachel, but those times have failed!"

"You're right. We have tried everything." A grin spread across her face. "Everything, except Plan X."

Minion's eyes widened. "Oh no! Not Plan X! What's Plan X?"

She relayed her idea to him.

"Do you think it'll work?"

Rachel nodded. "We've let them try and settle things themselves for too long. It's time we took matters into our own hands."

"They'll get so mad." Then the fish smiled. "Let's do it!"

"Wait. Before we do anything, there's something I want to take care of first. I'll be right back."

She planted a kiss on the glass in front of his face, but then cringed.

"Okay," she said. "I'll admit that felt a little weird."

"I'm agreeing," Minion nodded.

_Stupid glass,_ she thought. _Don't worry Minion, that won't get in our way next time._

Rachel sped out of the building and ducked into an alley so no one would see her take off. As she was hovering above the city, she scanned it with her super vision and super hearing. She covered her ears and wailed at a voice that sounded like a dying cow.

"_I have eyes…that can see…right through lead…_"

That was the worst singing she had ever heard! She turned her eyes in the direction of it and saw a small, rusted red schoolhouse. Her focus zoomed in on the sign that read: 'Lil Gifted School for 'Lil Gifted Kids.' She recognized the name. It was the school Megamind and Minion had gone to.

She skyrocketed over to the old building and set herself on the ground. It looked like no one had been there for years, but Rachel could hear the awful singing inside. She opened the creaky door and entered, only to find a dusty classroom with cobwebs in the corners.

She could still hear the singing, so she used her x-ray vision to find a staircase behind a door which she had thought was a broom closet. Down those stairs was a long hallway that looked like one of those secret army bases you'd see in science fiction movies. As Rachel approached the large metal door at the end, the singing became louder, which hurt her ears. Using her x-ray vision once again, she saw Metro Man standing in a luxurious room with pictures of him hanging on the walls as he strummed a guitar, playing what he called music.

Rachel couldn't control her annoyance any longer and ripped the heavy door off its hinges.

"What the..?" Metro Man ceased playing and looked up in surprise. "Rachel? How did you get in here and…how the heck did you do that? Did Roxie tell you where I was?"

"Nope," Rachel shook her head. "I could hear that screeching you call singing a mile away, literally."

The hero blinked. "Um, okay. You still didn't explain to me how you ripped the door open. More importantly, why are you even here?"

She approached the amateur musician, her eyes burning. "I've got a bone to pick with you."

With an incredible swipe of her hand, she slapped him across the face. For the first time ever, Metro Man cried out in pain. It shocked him even more.

"How did you…?"

She wouldn't let him finish. "That's for bugging my sister!" Then she kicked him in the shin. "That's for turning Blue Boy and Minion into bad guys!" He was about to say something when she picked him up and threw him against the wall, knocking down some of his pictures. "That was for using my boyfriend as a dodge ball!"

He blinked. "Wait, your boyfriend?"

All he received in response was another slap in the face. "And that's…that's just for being annoying!"

Metro Man couldn't accept that he was getting beat up by the first time. The fact that it was a girl made it even more unbelievable. When Rachel grabbed him by the shirt and lifted him up, he winced and waved his hands wildly.

"Okay, okay!" he cried. "I get that you're mad! What I really want to know is what the heck is going on here, how are you able to hurt me and who is this boyfriend you're talking about?"

The woman tightened her grip on him, her eyes like daggers. "I will say this slowly so you're teeny little brain can comprehend."

"Ouch."

"To make the long story short: Minion and I are dating, Megamind and Roxanne are madly in love with each other and one of Blue Boy's crazy inventions gave me your powers."

Metro Man blinked, trying to process the information. "Whoa, back up a sec. You and the fish are _together_?"

She dropped him to the floor. "Seriously? _That's_ what you're so shocked about and not the fact that I have your super powers and your rival likes your pretend girlfriend?"

"Well, yeah," the hero groaned, rubbing the places he had been hit. "As for the other stuff, it's not that surprising. I mean you got zapped by something that gave you my powers? That is _so_ Megamind."

Rachel thought about this. "Hmm, you might be right."

"But you and the fish…how did _that_ happen?"

"That's a much longer story."

Metro Man stood up and hung his head. "So Megamind likes Roxanne, huh? I suspected as much. Who wouldn't like her? That would explain why he's been a no-show lately."

"Yeah, well he's going to be a no-exist if we don't do something. And it's all your fault!"

"What did I do?"

"If you hadn't bullied him in school, he wouldn't have become a villain, dragging poor Minion along with him! And because he's the villain and he thought you were Roxanne's boyfriend, he hasn't had the guts to ask my sister out until recently! Now he doesn't want to be the villain anymore, but he's sitting at home torturing himself with romantic tragedies just because he doesn't think he's good enough for my sister!"

Metro Man nodded as he listened. "I suppose it is sort of my fault. Look, before you say anything else, I didn't mean to be such a bully. I was a kid back then and I just wanted people to think I was a hero."

"Heroes don't bully other kids just because they're aliens!"

"I know, I know! I guess after he started trying to take over the city, I wasn't that much help either." He looked at Rachel seriously. "He really feels that way about Roxanne? And…does she…like him too?"

Rachel smirked. "_Like_ would be an understatement. I have never seen my sister so happy before in my life, and that's not going to happen again unless we patch things up between her and Blue Boy! Are we clear?"

"Crystal. But why are you telling me all this?"

"Minion and I have a plan. If it works, Megamind and Roxanne will finally get together, but we won't be out of the woods yet. Even if Blue Boy doesn't want to be the bad guy anymore, he's still considered one. In other words, my sister can't be happy as long as you're chasing after him."

"So you want me to…back off?"

"Oh, I want you to do more than just back off. I want you to ignore us and forget that we ever existed. If you tell anyone where we are," she gripped his shirt again, "I'm going to see what these newfound powers can really do."

"I get your point!"

She let go of him and he let out a sigh. "I'm actually tired of being a super hero. Everyone expects so much out of me. What I really want is time to myself so I can work on my music."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Yeah, good luck with that, Music Man."

"Hmm, Music Man. I kind of like the sound of that. Anyway, what I'm saying is that I want to retire, but you can't just quit being a super hero." He looked up at Rachel and smiled. "Although, I could say I had to stop a natural disaster somewhere in the world or something and maybe you could…"

"Oh no!" the woman stuck out a finger. "Don't you dare stand there and suggest that I…"

"If you don't want to, maybe Megamind could. I always thought that little buddy of mine had the potential."

"Blue Boy as the hero?" Rachel paused. "I hadn't thought of that. But would Metro City believe such a thing?"

"I don't know. You sure you don't want to try it out? I could always use a sidekick."

Rachel shook her head. "In your dreams, buddy. Well, I guess I'll be going then."

"You think about what I said, okay? I won't say anything about your sister and Megamind. Oh, and if you happen to have my super speed, don't use it that often. You can actually move fast enough that time nearly stands still, but doing that too many times accelerates the aging process. That's how I got the gray."

"I'll keep that in mind. By the way, what's your weakness, so I know what to avoid?"

Metro Man hesitated. "You shouldn't have to worry about it. It's been years and Megamind still hasn't guessed it yet. Besides, it's not something that you find all over the place."

She was about to exit the hideout when Metro Man asked, "Hey, out of curiosity, exactly how involved are you and Minion?"

Rachel groaned but then turned back with a smile. "Very."

"Well, he is one lucky fish."

She nodded. "Yes, and I am one lucky girl."

As soon as she was out the door, Metro Man just laughed and shook his head.

"First Roxanne picks Megamind, and now her sister chooses the fish. Those Ritchi folks are one peculiar family."

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><p><strong>I know it might sound cold of Rachel, but I think it's about time someone literally knocked some sense into Metro Man. By the way, what colors do you think would be good for Rachel? I'm having trouble picturing it.<strong>


	15. Plan X

**Warning: Contains a lot of mush! It took a while for me to get this one just right.**

**Disclaimer: Do not own any of the songs mentioned in here, especially "Hello" by Lionel Richie. Heck, I love that song and come on, he and Roxanne have the same last name. And it sort of fits in with the scene.**

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><p>Usually, when someone was knocking on the door of Roxanne's balcony, that someone was Metro Man. But that was not why Roxanne had groaned at the sound. There was someone else who would appear on the balcony and he was the last person she wanted to see at the moment.<p>

She was about to tell Megamind to go away when she saw through the glass that it wasn't him. She didn't hesitate to let her sister in.

"What are you doing here, Rach?" she questioned. "Where's Minion?"

"He's fine," Rachel said defiantly. "What, I'm not allowed to visit?"

"No, it's just…I thought you hated me."

"I don't hate you, Roxie. Just because I have super powers and I've run off with a talking fish doesn't mean I can't check on my sister every once in a while. Besides, I came to pick up a few things."

"Like what?"

The younger sister took out the spray can. "Sorry about this, sis."

Roxanne was out cold before she could react.

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><p>Megamind slammed down the book he had been reading and sighed. What was the point? These tragic love stories weren't going to solve his problems. They just reminded him of his situation. In fact, there was no point in him staying at the Evil Lair. <em>Maybe I should just go down to the prison and turn myself in.<em>

The clanking of metal feet surprised him. He turned and saw his former friend approach him.

"Minion?" Megamind said confused, then folding his arms with a grunt. "What are you doing back here? I thought you wanted to be with your super _girlfriend_."

"I do," the fish nodded. "But Rachel and I aren't hiding out anymore."

"Oh, and what exactly will you be doing then?"

He brought out the Forget-Me-Stick. "Sorry, sir."

With a loud thwack, everything in Megamind's world went black.

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><p>"They're gonna kill us after this one," Minion said as Rachel secured the unconscious couple into their seats.<p>

"Well, they'll kill _you_, of course," his girlfriend smirked. "As for me, well, Blue Boy has never succeeded in killing Metro Man, has he?"

"Thanks, I feel so much better."

Rachel stepped back and examined the setup. "I don't know. It needs something."

Minion lit up and whispered to a Brainbot. A minute later, the lights dimmed. Rachel smiled at him. As an afterthought, she scanned the Lair with her x-ray vision and found a candle and matches. She lit the candle and placed it in the middle of the table.

"Nice touch," Minion complimented.

"Thank you. Now, cue the music!"

The fish grinned as he clicked on the stereo. Rachel covered her ears as it played "Highway to Hell" at an increasingly high volume.

"Minion!" she wailed. "A little less punk, if you don't mind?"

"What?" Minion yelled over the noise.

"Turn it off!"

"What?"

"TURN IT OFF!"

He got the message and the music ceased.

"Okay," Rachel sighed. "Have you got anything that's less…Megamind-ish?

Minion pressed another button and it played: _Loving you…_

"No, no, no!" her girlfriend exclaimed, switching it off. "You need something more romantic, something that Roxanne likes." She took a Lionel Richie CD from her bag. "It's Track #1."

As her boyfriend slid the disc in, Megamind and Roxanne stirred.

"Get ready for the magic to happen," Rachel whispered.

"We're in so much trouble," Minion murmured.

As Roxanne started waking, the world spun around her. The first thing she noticed was that something was pressing down on her stomach and that she was sitting in front of a candlelit table draped in a white cloth. The lyrics to the song "Hello" played:

_I've been alone with you inside my mind_

_And in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times_

_I sometimes see you pass outside my door._

As soon as her vision came into focus, she glanced up and flinched at the sight of Megamind sitting across from her. He wore an equally surprised expression, but he couldn't help but think how beautiful Roxanne looked while illuminated by the dim light of the candle. For a moment, they just stared at each other as the song continued:

_Hello, is it me you're looking for?_

_I can see it in your eyes_

_I can see it in your smile_

_You're all I've ever wanted_

_And my arms are open wide_

'_Cause you know just what to say_

_And you know just what to do_

_And I want to so much_

_I love you_

Roxanne snapped back to reality. "What the heck is going on here?"

Megamind was struck speechless. "I…I…"

She tried to get up, but something prevented her. She glanced down and not only noticed that she had somehow been changed into her blue dress with the ruffled collar, but that there was a long metal bar across her stomach. Megamind, seeing her revelation, looked down to see he was strapped to his chair as well. He also lacked his cape and gloves.

"What?" he gasped. "What is the meaning of this?"

They turned toward a chuckle. "Did you kids sleep well?"

"Rachel?" Roxanne cried out in disbelief, glancing at the fish standing beside her. "Minion? What do you guys think you're doing?"

"Minion, thank goodness," Megamind said. "Please tell your girlfriend to let us out of here."

"Oh, we're not letting you out, sir," Minion informed him.

The couple widened their eyes.

"What do you mean?" Roxanne inquired.

Minion and Rachel gave each other a mischievous sideways glance.

"We're not letting you go until you two sort out your issues," the latter explained.

"Issues?" her sister repeated, glaring at Megamind. "We haven't got any issues to sort out!"

Megamind folded his arms. "I totally agree!"

"Oh really?" Minion said. "Then I suppose you were reading romantic tragedies and eating chocolates in front of the TV for no apparent reason."

Their captives blushed with embarrassment.

"It is time for you guys to make up," Rachel added.

"This is ridiculous!" Megamind exclaimed. "Minion, you can't possibly be going along with this!"

"Rachel, stop these games and get us out!" Roxanne demanded, tugging on her metal restraint.

"We'll leave you two alone, then," Rachel said as she turned away, her boyfriend following her.

"Don't you dare turn your back on me, Minion!" Megamind ordered. "Minion, get back here! Minion!"

"We'll see you later, sir."

The pair disappeared into the darkness. Megamind scowled at the woman sitting across from him.

"Look at what your sister has done to my friend!" he exclaimed. "She's turned him into a…into a…"

"Evil Minion?" the reporter questioned, quirking an eyebrow.

"Precisely!" He froze. "I mean…ugh!"

"I think he's been like that all his life. Rach is just brining out his inner deviousness."

"Yes, well I can see where she gets it."

Roxanne blinked. "What?"

"Oh, you _know_ what I mean! You Ritchi women, you're all temptresses!"

She was about to jump out of her seat when the metal bar held her back and nearly stopped her breathing.

"Look," she said, "why don't we talk about this later and concentrate on getting out of these chairs while they're not paying attention?"

Megamind had an idea, but when he reached at his side, his gun wasn't in its holster.

"Oh, that Minion is one clever fish," he pouted.

Roxanne groaned in annoyance. "So is my sister. She puts on my dress, straps us to chairs, lights a candle and plays my favorite song."

_She remembers my description of a perfect date._ The two sat in silence for a while, avoiding eye contact.

"Listen," Roxanne said with a serious expression, "since it seems like we have no choice, we might as well try and work things out between us."

Megamind tried to not care. "We have nothing to work out, Miss Ritchi. You made your feelings perfectly clear the other day."

She sighed. "Why did you do it?"

He blinked. "Huh?"

"Why did you string me along? Why did you take me out on those…outings? Ugh, I should've known it was all pretend, with the quoting and flattering! Then you decided to crush me and leave without a decent explanation! Why did you do all that? Was it to amuse yourself?"

"No! Roxanne, it wasn't anything like that!"

"Then why?"

He looked down and stammered, "I did it all because I…I…"

"You what? What could you possibly hope to gain?"

Megamind paused, and then lifted his gaze towards her, mustering all the emotion he possibly could. His blue hands reached across the table and took her peach ones. He looked deeply into her brilliant sapphire orbs and breathed before letting the words slip out.

"You. Everything I did was for you, because…I love you, Roxanne."

Her heart skipped a beat. She had always suspected that he had had a sort of thing for her, but she had never thought it would be this serious, or that he would even admit it.

"What?"

The alien heaved another sigh. _I might as well get this off my chest._

"Yes," he continued softly. "I love you. In fact, I fell in love with you the day we first met. Of the very instant that I saw you, did my heart fly at your service."

She shivered as he quoted _The Tempest_.

"You were the first person who didn't scream at the sight of me. You were also beautiful and intelligent and bold and…incredible. Every time we've encountered, I've been falling more and more in love with you. But I kept my distance over the years, because I had assumed you were dating Metro Man and I knew that a monster like me didn't deserve a perfect creature like you."

"What made you change your mind?"

"That night, when we saw Minion and Rachel on their date, you said that everyone deserves happiness. I thought after doing research on those novels that…maybe…if Minion had managed to find happiness with your sister, I could…with you. I want to thank you for giving me a chance, but I am aware that whether I decide to be the villain or not, I still don't deserve a happy ending. I mean…look at me. Well, you know the rest."

Roxanne blinked. "So everything you said…you weren't just quoting?"

"I meant every word of it. It was the only way for me to tell you how I felt without you knowing it. I suppose it was a lost cause. How could you ever want this…this…_thing_?"

Megamind pulled his hands away and hung his head. He had expected her to scream and run, though the latter was impossible at the moment. But why wasn't she screaming? He became shocked when she took his hands back.

"Now it's my turn," she said. "Megamind, I never thought you were a villain, not even while you were kidnapping me. You may have done some bad things in the past, but you've never hurt anyone. And I kind of got annoyed with all the kidnappings, but I never hated you. In fact, I've always been curious about you, which is why I decided to take the chance to get to know you.

"And I've discovered a lot of things about you. You're really funny, sensitive, and…I've always admired a guy who could quote classic literature. I've also realized that you're not the bad guy you've shown yourself to be. Those things I said the other day, I didn't mean any of them. You're not evil. In fact, you're…you're everything I could ever ask for."

Megamind couldn't believe his ears. She didn't think he was evil, but did it mean what he thought it meant?

"So…" he stammered. "Do you…love me?"

He winced, prepared for the rejection that was to come.

"I'm not sure."

He opened his eyes. _Didn't see that coming._

"But I know how I can be certain," Roxanne assured him.

"How?" Megamind pleaded. "What do I have to do?"

She looked him in the eyes and quietly demanded, "Kiss me."

He blinked in astonishment. "What?"

"I said, you have to kiss me, and then I'll know my answer."

"Oh, um, okay."

Megamind didn't know whether to leap for joy or disappear completely. Of course, he had wanted this for a long time, but he was afraid she wouldn't like it and then reject him. All the same, he was never going to get a chance like this again.

The pair stared at each other for a few moments and then began leaning in. Then something prevented them from going any further. It was then that they realized they were still strapped to their seats and the table stood between them. They chuckled with embarrassment.

The alien didn't give up though. He found a solution and scooted his chair round and settled himself beside Roxanne. They looked at each other nervously.

"So…" he began, rubbing the back of his neck.

Roxanne copied his gesture. "So…"

"Here it goes."

"Yeah, right."

They turned their heads, their faces only inches apart. Reluctantly, they closed the distance between them and slowly slid their eyes shut. The instant his lips touched hers, Megamind could hear church bells ringing and see fireworks exploding into an array of dust. Everything else in his large cranium had shut down completely. He had dreamed of this moment a thousand times, but never had he pictured it to feel as heavenly as this.

It took a lot of effort for them to pull away. When they did, Roxanne's head was in a swirl and she could barely keep her eyes open. Megamind prayed that her dizzy expression was a sign.

"Well?" he asked.

She could hardly form the words to describe that sensational feeling she had just experienced. "That was…nice."

He grinned at her hopefully. "Then you…?"

"Now hold on!" she exclaimed, sticking a palm in his face. "I said it was nice, but you know what they say about experiments. You have to conduct several trials before reaching a conclusion."

Megamind was, of course, aware of this, being the evil scientist that he was.

"So we should…try it again?"

"Yeah," Roxanne nodded. "Just to be sure."

"Well, okay."

Their lips met again and Megamind had to resist the urge to fling his arms around her and pull her deeper into the kiss. He feared that doing so would make her stop.

"Now?" he asked when they pulled away.

"Better," she observed, "but maybe…one more time?"

They did so.

"Now?"

"I think once more would do it."

This time, Megamind grabbed her shoulders and fiercely pressed his lips against hers.

"What about now?" he pleaded desperately.

"I felt a little something there…"

"Oh come on, Roxanne! You're killing me here! What will it take to make you…?"

Then he saw the amused smirk on her face. Realization then dawned on him.

"Wait a moment," he said. "You're messing with me, aren't you?"

Roxanne giggled. "Frankly, the first one was a definite yes."

Megamind blinked but then grinned and quirked an eyebrow. "Oh, you temptress!"

He was about to lean in but Roxanne halted his puckered lips from advancing.

"Uh uh," she said. "It's my turn now."

Her hands touched his cheeks as she moved his head towards her and placed another gentle kiss on his lips. Megamind's hand snaked its way into her hair, the other arm wrapping itself around her body. Their faces pulled apart and they both smiled as their foreheads settled on each other.

"Thus from my lips, by thine, my sin is purged," Megamind quoted.

Roxanne continued the _Romeo and Juliet_ scene. "Then have my lips the sin that they have took."

"Sin from my lips? O trespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again."

That earned him another kiss. Megamind moaned softly as he felt Roxanne's arms loop around his neck.

"You kiss by the book," Roxanne said at their next break.

_God, I love this woman!_ He couldn't contain himself any longer. The next kiss was filled with the fiery passion they had both been holding back for years. Arms went up and down each body, and they eventually touched the metal bumpers. They stopped to look down at their restraints and laughed before gazing into each other's eyes.

"What are we going to do now?" Megamind inquired. "What about Metro Man and Metrocity?"

Roxanne shook her head. "They don't matter."

"But Roxanne, I'm a fugitive! Being with me makes you one too! If they find me, they'll take us both to jail! Or worse, they'll think I had brainwashed you and then take you away from me!"

"We'll figure something out. There's just one thing that I hate."

"Not me, I hope!"

"No, I just hate the fact that my sister had to get kidnapped and then get super powers in order for this to happen."

They burst out laughing and ended up kissing again.

"I love you," Roxanne whispered.

Megamind sighed. "You have no idea how long I've been waiting for you to say that."

* * *

><p>Minion had been in the other room, watching the whole scene on the monitors.<p>

"Mission accomplished," he declared as he watched his master and the reporter kiss at last.

"It's much more interesting to watch in super vision," Rachel claimed, looking at a distance. "It's like HD TV!"

"But now that we've got them together, what do we do now?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I hadn't thought about that part. I told Metro Man to back off, but that doesn't mean the police won't try."

"You know, you could do what he had suggested."

"Please, capes aren't exactly my style. Besides, I can't think of a good superhero name." She jumped as she watched the make-out scene in the other room grow more intense. "Ooh, Roxanne, you bad, bad girl! Hmm, that reminds me of something."

"What?"

"This."

Rachel floated upwards and took the fish out of his bowl before giving him a quick kiss. Minion's eyes were the size of Frisbees.

"What do you know?" Rachel mused. "That didn't feel weird at all."

She let out a shriek as she felt the robotic arms wrap around her. Then she looked at the fish in her hands and laughed.

"What do you think?" he asked. "Should we give sir a little more time before we serve dinner?"

Rachel nodded. "I don't think they'd mind."

* * *

><p><strong>Don't go away! This isn't finished yet! Any ideas on a superhero name for Rachel? It's hard to come up with something that isn't already taken!<strong>


	16. The Other Villain

**Sorry for the delay, with holidays and all. I don't know when I'll be able to update because I have exams coming up.**

* * *

><p>Roxanne rolled down the window of her van so Megamind could lean in and talk.<p>

"Do you have to go to work so early?" he complained.

It had been three weeks since they had gotten together and the Ritchi sisters had moved in. Now that Megamind and Minion were on the side of the law, Roxanne was working extra hours for more pay, much to her new boyfriend's dismay.

"You know we need the money," she said. "Don't worry, I'll be back by nine tonight."

"Can I at least drive you?"

"Megamind, I'll be fine."

She was about to turn the key in the ignition when he grabbed her hand. "You haven't had breakfast yet."

"I'll pick something up at the café."

"What if you choke on it?"

"Megamind!"

"Sorry, I just wouldn't be able to live with myself if you…"

The only way to shut him up was with a kiss on the lips.

"I'll come home tonight and then I'm all yours."

He sighed dreamily as she backed out of the Lair. Then he headed for the kitchen.

"Minion," he said, "I've never felt so happy."

But when he opened the kitchen door, he found that Minion wasn't alone. His metal arms were around Rachel, who was floating in the air, her lips pressed up against the fish's. Megamind coughed and the couple's eyes widened when they finally noticed him. Rachel immediately dropped the fish back in his tank before returning to the ground.

"Oh, sir!" said Minion, embarrassed. "We didn't hear you come in. Rachel and I were just, um, preparing breakfast."

"Uh huh," Megamind smirked. "And just what was on the menu? _Her-sees_?"

"_Her-sees_?"

"You know, those little chocolates wrapped in silver that humans call kisses."

"Oh, I get it," Rachel said.

Megamind sniffed the air. "Is something burning?"

"Minion, the pancakes!"

The couple quickly pawed at the smoke as they turned off the stove. Megamind chuckled as he sat at the table.

"If you two keep this up, all the food's going to be black from now on."

The pair blushed as they served the burnt pancakes.

"They're not that bad," Rachel observed. "I'm sure they're just…crunchy."

"At least I have the water to soak it up," said Minion.

"And exactly who are you to criticize our…intimacy? You're making out with my sister every second of the day!"

His cheeks turned violet.

"So I'm guessing Roxie left early again?"

The ex-villain sighed. "Yes."

"Don't worry. She'll be back before you can say…butternut squash."

"Butternut squash."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Okay, say it really slow."

"Buuuuuttttttteeeeeeerrrr….."

"Ugh, just forget it!"

* * *

><p>Roxanne was sitting in her cubicle at the office, typing a story on why Megamind hadn't been attacking the city for the past month. She had to make something up though, for the truth would've been a bad idea. She just said that maybe Megamind had found something better to do than try and take over the city.<p>

Then she was called to do a traffic report on Main Street, but once she was done and Hal had his back turned, something metal grabbed her from behind. In an instant she was trapped in the joint of what appeared to be the leg of a giant spider. Hal shrieked once he realized what was happening.

After a bit of struggling, Roxanne was dropped into a trapdoor in the head of the spider and landed in some sort of web. She tried to break free, but the lines were as sticky as a real spider web.

"Roxanne Ritchi," said a voice. "How nice of you to _drop in_."

She looked up to face her captor at the controls. He wore a lab coat and bug mask, along with four fake arachnid arms attached to his side. He looked like a combination of the Fly and Dr. Octopus.

"Seriously?" she said. "You wouldn't believe how many times Megamind used that pun. And no offense, but spider-themed robots are kind of cliché. Even Megamind has one!"

The villain groaned. "I was expecting you to scream in terror, and yes, I'm aware Megamind has a Spider Bot, but mine is bigger and better! They laughed at me when I said spiders were more advanced than humans. But I'll show them. I'll show them all! I'll start by getting rid of that super boyfriend of yours!"

"He is not my boyfriend!" Roxanne shouted. "And you can't destroy him, because he's indestructible!"

"Ah ha, Miss Ritchi! You fail to realize that after much experimentation, and I won't tell you with what, I have discovered Metro Man's weakness! With him out of the way, the city will face the wrath of…"

"Spiderman?"

The villain's arms drooped. "No. The Arachnid!"

"It's still all cliché to me."

"Oh, you won't think so when Metro Man is destroyed once and for all!"

* * *

><p>"How long is this going to take?" Megamind asked wearing an unfinished cape as Rachel and Minion took his measurements.<p>

"Just a few alterations, sir, and we'll be done with your most terrifying cape yet!" Minion exclaimed.

"Roxanne will drop dead when she sees how you look in it!" Rachel added.

"We're calling it the Black Mambaaaaaaaa…"

"He gets it, sweetie."

"Actually, Rachel came up with most of the design. The name was my idea."

"It's still a good name."

"I don't see what this is all about," Megamind said, taking the cape off and handing it to a couple of Brainbots. "I'm not a villain anymore, so why do I need a new cape?"

"First, because you've worn that old thing too many times. And second, why not? We're bored."

The trio turned to the monitors as the news rolled in.

"_This just in! A new villain, calling himself the Arachnid, is now rampaging through the streets of Metro City in a giant mechanical spider!_"

Live footage was shown of said invention and people running for their lives and screaming.

"Copy dog!" Megamind declared. "I have a _Spiider_-Bot as well!"

"Except this one is much fancier," Rachel observed, not bothering to correct him. "You got to give the guy credit for his presentation."

"No fair! That's my job!"

Then the clip shifted to a message being broadcasted from inside the robot and the trio could get a look at the spider-themed villain.

"Good morning, Metro City! I'll bet you weren't expecting an attack from another villain!"

"He's more cliché than you," Rachel murmured. "He looks like Dr. Octopus and the Fly merged together. Also, there's already been a spider-themed villain."

"I thought that was a hero," Minion said.

"Well yeah, but I'm talking about his alter-ego, Venom."

"I challenge Metro Man to battle!" the Arachnid continued. "And just so he doesn't get cold feet…"

The camera turned and the three watching froze at the sight of the woman trapped in the spider web.

"Roxanne," Megamind choked.

"That fiend has my sister!" Rachel shouted as the screen went back to the exterior footage of the attack. "We've got to save her!"

Megamind tried to look at it positively. "She's been in worse situations before. Metro Man will save her!"

Sure enough, the hero in white zoomed onscreen and sent the robot hurdling backwards, only to land on its feet.

The Arachnid's voice echoed throughout the streets. "And so the spider catches the fly!"

"But the fly is strong enough to break the strings of your web!" Metro Man said defiantly.

Megamind rolled his eyes. "Do they have any idea how stupid they sound?"

Minion and Rachel gave each other a sideways glance.

The Arachnid replied to his comeback. "Oh are you now?"

The spider turned around as a web squirted out of his abdomen and splashed the hero to the ground. Metro Man tried to get up, but he couldn't even lift a finger.

"What's the matter with him?" Megamind questioned, almost desperate. "Why isn't he getting up?"

"That's right, Metro Man!" the Arachnid cackled. "I found your weakness, something that Megamind never managed to figure out! Yes, I've squirted you with the only thing that makes you powerless!"

"No!" Metro Man screamed. "Not mayonnaise!"

The trio slumped and glanced at each other, staying silent for a moment.

"_Maya-naise_?" Megamind said, his eye twitching. "All this time, his weakness was something as stupid as _maya-naise_? It could have been gold or silver or copper! But _maya-naise_?"

"You could have just killed him with a sandwich," Rachel added.

Megamind slapped himself in the face.

"Sorry, sir," Minion said.

Meanwhile, the mechanical spider was continuing to roam about, causing destruction to the city.

"He still has Roxanne!" Rachel observed. "We've got to do something!"

"And what can we do?" Megamind inquired.

"Hello? With my powers and your brains and Minion's…intuitiveness, we could become a super team of crime fighters!"

"But Rachel," Minion protested, "the Arachnid has a whole lot of mayonnaise with him! If that's Metro Man's weakness, it's yours too!"

"He doesn't know that."

Megamind nodded. "She has a point, but we don't even have a plan!"

"Who cares? My sister is in that giant robot, and I'm not standing around here when I know I can help! How about you?"

The ex-villain thought for a moment. He knew he didn't have a chance of winning, since he had failed at everything else, but he wasn't going to let Roxanne suffer either.

"Minion, prepare my battle suit and bring out the Black Mamba!"

"But the cape's not finished yet, sir!" Minion reminded him.

"One second," Rachel said before taking off.

She came back with the completed cape.

"That was five seconds, actually," Megamind smirked, slipping on the cape.

"So I'm guessing you have a plan?"

"Nope, we're just going to have to wing it!"

He headed towards his battle suit when Minion went off into another room and returned with a pile of clothes.

"I made something for you, Rachel," the fish blushed.

Her eyes widened as she held the ensemble in front of her. "No way!"

"Now you'll look like a real super hero."

She caught the fish in a tight embrace. "You're the best, Minion! Now come on, let's go save my sister!"

* * *

><p><strong>To the rescue!<strong>


	17. To the Rescue

**Okay, hope I don't get any trouble with copyright issues concerning Rachel's outfit and name. You'll see what I mean. I have references to other movies in here and I won't tell you which ones. Hope you're able to follow this. Anyway, to battle!**

**Quick Note: In the last chapter, I forgot to put Megamind's mispronuciation of mayonnaise, but I think I've fixed it.**

* * *

><p>For the moment, Roxanne was actually afraid. Metro Man still lay helpless on the ground. Who knew mayonnaise would turn out to be his weakness? It almost made her laugh at the thought that Megamind had been trying to destroy Metro Man for years and hadn't been able to figure it out, but this guy had done it in, what, a few days? Then she remembered it was her boyfriend she was criticizing here. <em>Old habits die hard.<em>

The point was that Metro Man was weak and she was stuck to a spider web, alone with some creep! She wondered if the Arachnid knew about Megamind and that he wasn't going to be too happy about this. She had to test it without throwing suspicion on their relationship.

"You're still not going to get away with this!" she spat at the villain. "Megamind's the super villain here! He's not going to appreciate the fact that you're taking over the city he intends to conquer and that you've captured his frequent kidnapping victim!"

The Arachnid turned and smiled maliciously at her. "I am aware of Megamind and his possessiveness, but everyone has a weakness."

"You don't know his though!"

"It shouldn't be that hard to figure out."

Just then, a familiar song flooded the atmosphere. The villain spun around as Megamind's enormous battle suit came into view, the blue alien standing inside, wearing a new cape. Roxanne smiled widely. He had come for her! _And he looks good in that cape._

Megamind's voice boomed throughout the streets. "Last time I checked, Metro Man was _my _nemesis and Roxanne was _my_ captive!"

The Arachnid turned on the intercom. "Well, it appears you've been replaced! What are you going to do about it?"

"I've come to take back what is rightfully mine!"

"Is that so? I'd like to see you try!"

"He's gonna kick your butt!" Roxanne said defiantly.

He gave her an annoyed look. "I don't know how the freak puts up with you!"

_Let's just say I'm one hell of a kisser,_ she smirked to herself.

* * *

><p>Megamind held up his fists, causing the robot to do the same, getting ready for battle.<p>

"Prepare to be squashed, Arachnid!"

With a swipe of the hand, he swatted the machine away. He could hear a woman scream and then remembered Roxanne! How could he have been so careless? He became relieved and annoyed at the same time as the mechanical spider landed on all eight legs, not a single dent on it.

"Hurting me will do no good, you know?" the Arachnid mocked him from inside his invention. "You'll only inflict pain on Miss Ritchi!"

Luckily, Megamind had a plan. He spoke into his watch, the battle suit following his gesture. He hoped the Arachnid didn't notice.

"Minion, Code: Send in the Sparrow!"

On the other line, the fish chuckled. "Glad to see you've finally learnt the whole point of a code, sir."

* * *

><p>As the mechanical spider landed, the web swayed back and forth, giving Roxanne a headache. It didn't bother her so much, for she was used to being thrown around in Megamind's giant robots. What did bug her was that her boyfriend had forgotten to get her out before attacking the machine!<p>

"It appears I've learned his weakness," the Arachnid mused to Roxanne after mocking the alien. "Now I see why he puts up with you. The villain falls for his damsel in distress! How touching! Too bad he won't be able to save her!"

As the spider approached Megamind's battle suit, Roxanne heard a sizzling sound underneath. Wrenching her neck as best she could, she saw a red flash of light through the floor of the machine and couldn't help the grin on her face.

* * *

><p>Megamind waited for Minion to give the signal as the spider drew closer.<p>

"Code: the Sparrow's In, Sir!" said his voice from the watch.

"Good," the alien said to his friend. "Now we can get down to business!"

He looked back up from his watch and found that the mechanical spider had disappeared. He glanced around for it, until it came crashing down on the glass dome. With all his might, he tossed if off, sending it hurdling onto the ground.

* * *

><p>"What is he, crazy?" the Arachnid exclaimed, regaining his balance. "I don't understand it! Why would he attack with Miss Ritchi inside?"<p>

"That's because you've got the wrong Ritchi!"

He spun in surprise at the woman in the web as she turned the dial on her holowatch, transforming from Roxanne into Rachel. She wore a green suit with white gloves, white boots, a white utility belt and a cape in a darker shade of green, a matching mask over her eyes. She wrenched from the sticky web with ease and tackled the Arachnid.

"Who are you?" the villain asked, blinking in confusion.

Rachel grinned. "I am the Green Sparrow!"

"The Green Sparrow? What's that supposed to mean?"

"It was the only name I could trademark." Then she paused. "At least, I think so. There is that guy, the Green Arrow, but we have nothing in common. Well, except for the fact that we're green and our names rhyme and…oh, forget the name!"

The Arachnid thrust her off during her mild distraction.

"What are you? Metro Man's new sidekick?"

She got off the floor angrily. "One, I'm no one's sidekick. Two, I work with Megamind."

As if on cue, the blue alien spoke through the watch. "Um, Rach…I mean Sparrow, are you going to obtain him or not?"

"Oh, right!"

She flew at him again, but he dodged out of the way. When she crashed onto the floor again, she lost control of her lasers. They missed the Arachnid's head by only an inch. _I've _really _got to work on that!_

"Interesting," the Arachnid observed. "Your powers are similar to Metro Man's."

Rachel panicked. "What are you talking about? All superheroes have laser vision these days!"

"I wonder if you have the same weakness as well."

He took out a gun and Rachel didn't have to guess what it was loaded with. She skidded away as he squirted the mayonnaise at her. He shot several times, but the heroine was too fast for him. Then he glanced around as she seemed to vanish.

"The Green Sparrow, huh?" he muttered. "More like a falcon than a sparrow."

"Yeah, thought about that too, but that name was taken."

She was on top of him before he saw her coming. He didn't hesitate to squirt the gun in her face and then yanked her off by grabbing her cape. _I knew the cape was a bad idea._ Rachel wiped the gooey stuff off before rising again.

"A little mayonnaise is not going to hurt me!"

Before she knew it, she was encased in a glass cylinder that immediately started filling up with said substance.

"Maybe not a little," the Arachnid smirked, fiddling with the control panel, "but how about a lot?"

Rachel attempted a punch at the glass, but to no success.

"I've also made that with bullet-proof glass."

She groaned, pressing her watch for the others to listen in. "You really thought this through, haven't you?"

"Megamind is not the only evil scientist in town! It doesn't hurt to have a Plan B! I didn't expect him to have you as a secret weapon though. I did this in case Metro Man managed to get in here. In a few minutes, the tube will be filled and you'll be drowning in mayonnaise!"

The mayo was now up to her ankles, but somehow, she didn't feel that different. She tried her lasers, only to get pain in her eyes. Despite the situation, she held her head up defiantly, placing her finger back on the button of the watch.

"Okay, you're crafty. I'll give you that. But you're forgetting that superheroes have a Plan B as well!"

The Arachnid laughed. "That would be interesting to watch! Now where did that alien freak go?"

He glanced through the window and saw said alien on his hoverbike, carrying Roxanne Ritchi in his arms.

"Ah, so he thinks he can run off with his girl, eh? Wait, wasn't he wearing a longer cape earlier? Oh well. They won't get away that easily!"

The runaway pair glanced back with fright as the robot chased after them.

"Go faster!" Roxanne cried. "Can't this thing go faster?"

The alien pressed his hand hard on the handles. "I can't control it! Stupid glitch!"

He spied an awning and as hard as he could, tossed the woman onto it. She bounced off the awning and landed on the ground just as the leg of the spider sent Megamind and the bike flying. Rachel gasped inside her prison as she watched him crash beside the fountain.

"No!"

"Yes!" the Arachnid shouted triumphantly. "Now I believe it's time for me to finish the job on Metro Man!"

Rachel was now up to her knees in mayonnaise, the creamy sauce flooding into her new boots and soaking her feet. She scratched at her skin as it started to itch.

"With you, Megamind and Metro Man out of the way, there will be no one to stop me!"

"Oh, really?"

The Arachnid's mouth dropped open as Megamind's battle suit came into view.

"How did you…?"

He glanced back down at the fountain to see Minion's shattered suit, the fish lying on top.

"Very clever," the villain mumbled. "But you are too late to save your sidekick!"

"I'm not his sidekick!" Rachel insisted as the thick, white sauce reached her thighs.

"And this town isn't big enough for _two_ super villains!"

"Who says I'm a super villain?" Megamind cackled. "I'm the exterminator, come to get rid of a pest!"

He swiped his hand and knocked the spider over. The mayonnaise in the glass cylinder sloshed around, some of it entering Rachel's throat. As the Megamind continued to swat at the machine, causing it to rock back and forth, she felt a little queasy. The battle suit vanished again and the Arachnid scanned the streets for it.

"How are you doing?" Megamind whispered through the watch.

"I'm being tossed around in a tube of mayonnaise," Rachel grumbled. "How do you _think_ I'm doing?" She cried out as the spider leapt onto a building, bringing her and the sauce up and down again. "I'm going to hurl soon! This is so gross!"

"It wouldn't have happened if you had been fast enough!"

"Hey, give me a break! This is my first battle!"

"Just hang in there!"

"Do I have any other options?"

She heard Megamind scream and a crash from outside, followed by the Arachnid's evil laughter. _He reminds me so much of Blue Boy._ The spider's skinny legs apparently exerted much more force than she had expected.

The machine jumped again and this time, Rachel slipped and was completely covered in the creamy substance. She gasped for air and wiped as much out of her eyes as possible. The sick feeling arouse in her stomach again and she covered her mouth to prevent anything from escaping. It wasn't long before she couldn't hold it anymore.

Her mouth opened vomited on the glass, as if her prison wasn't nauseating enough. Rachel paused when she heard a burning sound and the mayonnaise in the cylinder started to drain. She then saw where she had gagged and realized that the glass had burned away. _Acid vomit_, she thought. _Disgusting, but effective._

She had enough strength to smash the rest of the glass so she could get through. It was odd how she wasn't pinned to the floor like Metro Man had been. She didn't even feel weak, and she did manage to melt the glass with vomit, or maybe that was some super allergic reaction.

The Arachnid turned at the sound of breaking glass as Rachel leapt at him. What she hadn't realized was the fact that they were on top of Metro Tower, and without someone to control the machine, it toppled over and plummeted down to Earth.

Gravity worked in reverse and Rachel and the Arachnid flew up toward the ceiling. They grabbed the hole in the floor in desperation.

"Look what you've done!" the Arachnid cried. "Now we're both going to die!"

"Maybe if you hadn't tried to drown me in mayonnaise, we wouldn't be in this situation!"

"Don't try and make this my fault, missy!"

Rachel's fingers slid off the edge of the hole, but she found herself soaring downward instead of up. She could fly again! She headed for the exit when the villain shouted:

"Wait, don't leave me here!"

She hesitated, but then again, the heroes never left anyone to die, not even the criminals. She took his arm and carried him through the hole. The giant spider crashed into the street, causing Rachel to tumble and land with a thud. It didn't hurt her, but she was thrown off-guard for a second. She glanced around for the villain, but he was nowhere to be seen.

She felt a familiar creamy sauce splatter onto her back. After tripping onto her front, she turned to see the Arachnid pointing his weapon at her.

"I admire your spirit, Green Sparrow," he smirked.

Behind her, she could see Megamind, his cape ripped, climbing out of his dented battle suit that must have been damaged by the mechanical spider. The blue alien crept up to the villain, holding his Dehydration Gun. Rachel tried to hide her smile and feigned weakness.

"I…I can't get up!" she whimpered.

"It is unfortunate how something so ridiculous can leave you absolutely powerless!" the Arachnid laughed, bringing out a real gun now. "However, if you are thinking about switching sides at this moment, I could use you in my hostile takeover."

Megamind suppressed a giggle as he made a circle motion with his finger by his head. Rachel smirked.

"You forgot one thing about bad guys, Arachnid."

"And what would that be?"

Megamind answered from behind. "They always lose!"

The confused villain didn't get a chance to see Megamind, for he had dehydrated him into a cube. The alien picked it up and chuckled. "I know from experience."

"Megamind!"

He spun around and cried, "Oomph!" as he was knocked over by a sudden force, that force being Roxanne.

"Roxanne," he breathed, returning her embrace. "Thank goodness you're safe!"

She sat up a bit so she could look into his eyes. "Your plan worked. You won!"

"Well, I finally had a reason to win." He smiled at her shyly. "You."

After a pause, he was attacked with a kiss. Rachel laughed as she stood up and wiped the mayonnaise off her suit.

"Get a room!"

The pair glanced up at her, blushing. Then Roxanne rose and hugged her sister.

"That was amazing, sis!" she exclaimed. "You were so brave!"

"Shush," Rachel whispered, glancing at the citizens slowly emerging around them. "It's the Green Sparrow."

"Uh, guys?" said a voice. "A little help here?"

They had forgotten about Metro Man, who was laying a little ways off, covered in mayonnaise. The Ritchi sister hastened to pull him up and wipe him clean.

"Mayonnaise, really?" Roxanne muttered.

"Hey," Metro Man shrugged. "I don't decide my weakness." He looked at Rachel with confusion. "This doesn't bother you?"

Rachel sighed. "Well sure, it drains my powers a bit and gives me an allergic reaction, but I'm not _completely_ helpless!"

As soon as the mayonnaise was off, he grinned at his former rival. "Way to go, little buddy. I knew you had it in you. And congratulations, by the way!"

Megamind raised an eyebrow. "You knew about me and Roxanne?"

"Sure."

"And…you're _okay_ with it?"

"Let's just say I got some sense knocked into me." He glanced nervously at Rachel. "That was pretty awesome stuff there, 'Green Sparrow.' Are you sure you don't want to be my girlfriend?"

Rachel huffed.

"I was only kidding. I get it. You and the fish are tight."

The woman widened her eyes. "Minion!"

She rushed to the fountain where the fish still lay surrounded by shattered glass on top of his destroyed suit. She knelt down and gently placed a hand on the side of his face.

"Minion, say something!"

"Rachel?" Minion coughed. "Is that you? I can't see. It's so cold and…warm! And dark and light!"

"I'm right here, Minion. Everything's going to be okay."

"Minion!" Megamind cried, kneeling down as well, Roxanne and Metro Man coming up behind him.

"Sir!" the fish choked. "Miss Ritchi! You're all okay! Did we win?"

"Yes, Minion, we did it."

"Thanks to you," Rachel added.

Minion smiled at her and then looked back at his friend. "Code: We're the Good Guys Now."

"Code: I Guess We Are," Megamind replied.

Rachel stroked the fish and whispered, "I always believed you were amazing."

After a few moments of gazing into his girlfriend's eyes, Minion suddenly coughed again.

"Oh, this is it! I'm going! Rachel, I l…l…"

With a final gasp, the fish closed his eyes and dropped to his side. Rachel's vision was clouded with tears.

"Minion?"

Then Megamind picked up the fish and with a roll of his eyes, tossed him into the fountain.

"Ah, what a drama queen!"

"You know what?" Minion said, floating to the surface. "I'm feeling much better now! I guess I just needed a swim."

"He had you there, didn't he?" Megamind chuckled to Roxanne. "Classic Minion."

"Wait…_what_?" Rachel hollered.

Minion looked up at her sheepishly. "Oh, hi Rachel."

She slapped him, causing him to float around in a circle.

"Ouch! What was _that_ for?"

"That's for scaring me half to death!"

She glared at him for a few moments, but then he gave a mischievous smile that she couldn't help but find adorable.

"Oh, don't give me that face!" she commanded, but he didn't listen. The rest she said in a whisper. "Gosh, he reels you with that little face…oh, what the heck!"

She temporarily withdrew him from the water and planted a kiss on his lips. Behind them, Metro Man cringed.

"I still don't get that."

"You'll get used to it," Roxanne assured him.

The group glanced around as applause filled the air and a crowd of citizens closed in on them. Roxanne nudged her boyfriend in the side with her elbow.

"Looks like you're a hero now, Blue Boy."

Megamind chuckled. "And it looks like you're finally the hero's girlfriend, only if you never call me Blue Boy ever again."

The pair's laughter was interrupted at the sound of police sirens. Officers surrounded them, armed and ready with a pair of handcuffs. Roxanne moved protectively in front of her beau.

"Megamind," said the police chief, "I am ordered to place you under arrest for your various criminal offenses. You have the right to remain silent as anything you say can and will be used against you."

"Officer, please…" Roxanne started.

The chief raised an eyebrow, puzzled at her defense for her frequent kidnapper. "I'm sorry, Miss Ritchi, but the law is the law."

Rachel moved between her sister and the chief. "Now hold on here! You're not arresting this guy after he helped save the city!"

Now the chief was even more confused. "Excuse me, but who would you be, miss?"

"I am the Green Sparrow!"

"I have my orders, Miss Sparrow. Now if you'll step aside…"

She held up a fist. "Oh, you don't want to mess with me, _officer_!"

"Rach…Sparrow!" Roxanne shouted, attempting to lower her iron hand. "You don't want to assault a police officer!"

The entire police force gasped as Metro Man stepped in front.

"I can explain everything, chief." He gestured towards his former nemesis. "This man right here, and his friends, not only saved Roxanne's life and mine, but the lives of all the people here in Metro City! If imprisonment is how a hero should be treated, then I believe this city has lost its gratitude! Sure, the poor guy was a villain at first, but it's perfectly clear that he has gone past all that!"

"I suppose," the chief said. "But he still has eighty-eight life sentences."

"Then why can't he pay his debt to society by helping me protect the city?"

The chief nodded. "That seems reasonable, though we're going to need the mayor's consent…"

"I approve of it!"

All eyes turned to the mayor, who had apparently been standing there the whole time.

"I hereby grant Megamind, and his minion, a full pardon, so long as he promises he will use his newfound freedom to assist Metro Man in protecting our fair city and also clearing up the damages!"

The crowd cheered once again and Megamind picked up Roxanne and spun her around.

"Wait!" Metro Man cried. The noise ceased. "I just want to make one thing clear! Roxie and I…were never dating!" There a few gasps and murmurs. "Yep, that's right! She prefers someone who I believe deserves her more."

Roxanne smiled and whispered, "Thank you."

Instantly, they were met with a swarm of reporters. They all either wanted to question Megamind's sudden transformation into a hero, his relationship with Roxanne, why Metro Man's weakness was something as ridiculous as mayonnaise, but more especially, who was the Green Sparrow?

"Um…" everyone stammered simultaneously.

"You know what?" Roxanne said, grabbing her beau's arm. "We'll get back to you on that."

"To the invisible car?" Megamind inquired.

"To the invisible car. Come on, R…Sparrow."

"I'll meet you there!"

Rachel zoomed away from the paparazzi, returning with a fish tank from the pet store, which she had paid for, of course. She placed Minion inside it and flew out of sight.

* * *

><p>Back at the Lair, the three slumped on the couch, Minion being fitted inside his spare suit. Rachel took off her mask and Megamind shrugged off what was left of the Black Mamba.<p>

"It's a shame it ripped," Rachel sighed.

"I think it was too villainous anyway," Megamind said. "Boy, what a day!"

"It certainly beat routine," Roxanne giggled, laying a hand on his shoulder. "At least you've been pardoned."

"Do you hear that, Minion?" Rachel squealed as he sat beside her. "You're not fugitives anymore! You're heroes!"

"And so are _you_," Minion grinned.

As the couple embraced each other, Roxanne's phone rang. "Hello?"

She had to move the device away as a woman's ear-piercing scream came through the line.

"Roxanne Regina Ritchi, you better have a good explanation for this! You're kidnapped _again_ and then you kiss a blue alien freak? This is irresponsible behavior and you are in a lot of trouble when I…"

Rachel snatched the phone and hung up.

"Oh darn," Roxanne groaned. "I forgot about how Mom was going to react to this."

"I know it's the boyfriend's code to meet the parents," Megamind gulped, "but if it's alright with you, I'd rather _not_ meet yours."

"Oh, she'll go easy on you compared to what she'll do when she finds out that you've given her youngest daughter super powers and that she's dating a talking fish."

Minion and Rachel glanced at each other. "I wonder who will be named 'the good child' after this."

"She's not going to fry me, is she?" Minion asked in a frightened voice.

"No, I'd fry her faster than she would fry you."

"Rachel!" Roxanne exclaimed.

"You know what? Who cares what Mom thinks? You're happy, I'm happy, and if she minds, that's her problem."

Megamind put an arm around his girlfriend. "She's right. Now, where were we? Oh, I remember."

Rachel and Minion left the room to give them some privacy.

"Mom _is_ going to freak when she realizes I've fallen in love with a fish," Rachel said, shaking her head.

Minion stopped in his tracks. "Whoa, really?"

She nodded and he smiled down at her. She _loved_ him. This was all he had needed in his life, and now it was complete. He was forever grateful that he had made that mistake two months ago and had kidnapped the wrong Ritchi. Rachel smiled back, thinking the exact same thing.

"Don't worry. Things will quiet down and everything will be normal again."

Rachel glanced back at where they had left Megamind and Roxanne.

"In this crazy city, life will never be normal."

* * *

><p><strong>Yay, they won! Was that okay? People have critisized my action scenes in the past.<strong>

**I'll bet you're wondering, what the heck happened with Rachel and the mayonnaise? You'll see soon enough.**


	18. Epilogue: Love Has No Boundaries

**I forgot to mention in the last chapter that Roxanne's middle name 'Regina' belongs to Mia Vaan. I couldn't think of anything else, and I liked this one.**

**This is the last chapter, and it's a short one. Maybe I'll write a sequel, maybe not. I want to thank everyone for reviewing, especially CoronaIgnis, who had insisted that I turn this one-shot into an AU.**

* * *

><p>"<em>It's been three days since the Arachnid attacked our city, squirting Metro Man with mayonnaise and leaving him immobilized. It seemed that all hope was lost, until an unexpected team of heroes arose from the ashes, their leader being none other than former super villain, Megamind! He and his team not only dehydrated the Arachnid and placed him behind bars, but they have shown us an impressive display of heroism, unlike anything we have ever seen! The mayor has granted Megamind a pardon, provided that he protects the city and fixes the damage caused in the battle. His Brainbots are making the repairs as we speak.<em>

"_What was most shocking is that Metro Man announced his breakup with star reporter, Roxanne Ritchi, and that she was in a relationship with her former frequent kidnapper. It seems that beauty has tamed the beast. But there is one question I'm sure we're all still wondering. Who is this new, mysterious heroine who calls herself the Green Sparrow?_"

Megamind, Roxanne, Minion and Rachel all laughed at the anchorman onscreen.

"I can't believe they have no idea who you are!" Megamind exclaimed. "I think you're the first hero in this city to have a secret identity!"

"There's just one thing I don't get," Rachel declared. "How come the mayonnaise had a different effect on me?"

"My theory is that it didn't make you completely vulnerable because you swallowed the capsule. Your powers still didn't work properly, but nothing happened until you had swallowed the _maya-naise_, causing a chemical reaction inside your stomach, hence the acid vomiting."

"I guess that makes sense. You know, Roxie, you should be giving that report instead of that old guy. You were there, after all."

"Yeah," her sister agreed. "Well, Mr. Stubbs said I could take a week off after the 'shocking incident,' as long as I promised to do an interview with 'the redeemed Megamind' and the 'mysterious Green Sparrow.'"

"You're not upset that they got the story about you and Metro Man mixed up?" Megamind inquired, putting an arm around her.

"No, as long as they're saying that you and I are a couple now."

Their lips locked together as Rachel looked at her boyfriend. "They didn't say anything about you in there."

"It's okay," Minion shrugged. "You guys deserve most of the attention."

"Minion," Roxanne said after pulling away from her beau. "Maybe you should show Rachel the surprise now."

"Surprise?" Rachel jumped. "What surprise?"

Minion placed her hands over her eyes. "I'll be right back, and don't you use that x-ray vision of yours!"

She heard the clanking of feet and the rustling of papers as she blindly waited for the surprise.

"Okay," she heard Minion say. "You can look now."

She uncovered her eyes and gasped. The fish was holding up blueprints for a building labeled 'Rachel's Fashions.'

"What is…?" she stammered.

"There was an empty lot for sale next-door," Minion explained. "Your sister helped with the down payment. I thought since the fashion companies wouldn't take you, you could run your own business. Well, I thought _we_ could run our own business."

Rachel was speechless for a few moments. "And you're gonna build this?"

"I'll have the Brainbots work on construction once their done fixing the damage."

She leapt up and flung her arms around his gorilla body. "You're the best boyfriend ever! I love you!"

He grinned sheepishly as he returned her embrace. "I love you, too."

Megamind whispered to Roxanne, "It still feels awkward to me."

His girlfriend rolled her eyes at him. "You of all people should know, Megamind. Love has no boundaries."

* * *

><p><strong>And they lived happily ever after! For now, anyway...<strong>


End file.
